FAT ATTITUDE and postpartum flab!

It's ALL about attitude. Whatever the motivation is to lose the weight, it is also all about the attitude; the attitude towards yourself and the food around you.

I realise I had a bit of attitude in my last Blog. I was angry and I'm sorry if that resulted in me being a litttle too harsh on the Fats; this Blog is supposed to be about keeping positive so I will endevour to move onward and upward. I absolutely love writing this Blog. I am realising the importance of a positive attitude not only in life but to weight loss. The affirmations that Steve M encourages are so helpful, 'keep on it', 'feeling inspired' and 'feeling motivated' that is why I include them in my Blog. I am reflecting on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling and affirming with a positive statement. Surprisingly this takes some effort and thought from me. Being positive doesn't come naturally or even easily to all of us.

I've found during my 'FAT life' that other people have given out the 'attitude' to me as a judgement of my fatness. In some ways I could thank these people but I wont because at the time it was often, inappropriately, when I was particularly vulnerable and even in their care, so I'll just observe their prejudices for now and learn from it. No doubt I'll return to this in a minute. Yes its the sad truth that generally people do not respect a FAT one.

It might even be saying hello to another mum at nursery. One mum just completely shut down my attempts to talk to her which at the time did make me question whether it was because I was fat? What impression was I giving? And anyway, who wants a FAT mum anyway...?

In this bbc article they discuss fat prejudice which is very interesting but it is actually the comments that follow that are the most thought provoking. Do take a look at this BBC link. Some people are full of excuses and others seem genuinely angry that Fat people exist.

During pregnancy there was one particular ultrasound sonographer who made it his mission to complain about my fatness and was incredibly rough. Following a scan from him I would actually be in discomfort the next day. I remember reading about sonographers getting RSI from having to press down harder on FAT pregnant women to get a scan. Unfortunately I can't find the article to add a link for it but an Internet search certainly brings up lots of research papers on the subject. Every written report they wrote would start with 'difficulty due to raised BMI', 'reduced visibility due to increased BMI'. It used to drive me mad but now I can see it more from their point of view. Being FAT is no fun and being FAT & pregnant is certainly no joke.

My pregnancy (when FAT) photo gallery:

During the birth of my second baby the midwife acted like she hated me. It was the birth from hell but what really didn't help me was that this midwife made an initial judgement about me based on my size (how I looked) and it influenced her entire approach. That midwife was contemptuous and vindictive and certainly not the person I needed around me in that situation, indeed her treatment of me upsets me to this day.

I recently watched a programme about medieval birth. It fascinated me that they took woman off to dark rooms creating a cocoon of safety and sanctuary. Such a stark contrast to the strip lit bare torture chambers of today. I do jest a little but strip lights, constant interruptions and beeping machinery are very far removed from anything that creates any feelings of safety or indeed sanctuary. 

If you're overweight and pregnant the medical profession are obsessed with gestational diabetes. I was sent for GTT tests on a regular basis and rightly so if necessary but people could not believe I could be that over weight & pregnant and not be diabetic. They tried to send me for GTTs less than a week apart on one occasion and I had to get my consultant and community midwife to intervene. I of course didn't need two GTTs within such a short space of time but the registrar just couldn't believe that the results were all clear even though I had no symptoms! 

I had the same thing as an overweight vegan. My GP at the time took one look at my fatness and suggested he take my blood pressure for a quick random check. Surprise, surprise my blood pressure was spot on. Mostly I owe this to the years of drinking soya milk and eating tofu. I did read that it can be common to put on weight when following a vegan diet if you don't quite get the nutritional balance correct. I did put on a lot of weight as a vegan but I'm sure lifestyle is also to blame. I count myself lucky that my blood pressure has always been fine BUT carry on being obese & overweight and this might not continue. After all in my early Blogs I identified that health jeopardy is a motivation for me to lose the weight. This is a serious matter after all. 

In an article which I do have the link for, Kim Brooks writes about weight struggles and pregnancy. I particularly like her humour. I didn't quiet relate to the cashier at the drive thru knowing my name but I do recall driving to work one morning, racked with guilt at being pregnant and so indirectly giving the baby a drive thru, fast food breakfast! Check out the Kim Brooks article: I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I hate it.

Where I am now, is at the getting rid of the postpartum flab part. Unlike what is recommended I did not lose all the baby weight following my first child to be ready for my next pregnancies. This 'Healthy weight loss after pregnancy' article suggests that; "As long as you feel healthy and ready, as a rough guide, you should aim to return your pre-pregnancy weight by the time your baby is about six months old. If you're finding it takes longer than this, don't give yourself a hard time. Just set yourself a target of getting to the weight you want by your baby’s first birthday" (babycentre healthy-weight-loss-after-birth suggestions). For me to get to the weight that I want by my baby's first birthday, well that gives me one month to melt another 5 stone! I guess because I was just so overweight before my pregnancies I do have further to go than most? I have actually lost all of the baby weight, now weighing less than I did four years ago, less than at my wedding but (and the big butt) there is plenty of room for improvement. 

This is me now: September 2014

Wow, I do seem to be all guns blazing for this Blog episode, don't I ?!? Drawing on all my unique selling points. I've been working hard in past months to find them, to find my writing voice but it is me. I am keeping it real. This is not just a weight loss Blog. My Blog comes not only from my motivation to lose weight but also it's a personal account and commentary, my post pregnancy Blog. So to finish 'Take that Bembridge Schollars' :) 

Being anti-fat, shopping for others and French Fancies.

Apologies for the absence in Blog over the last few weeks. Illness and juggling childcare, builders, selling houses and life all got a bit crazy for a while. That doesn't mean the absence of my heartfelt Blog means you have to rip me off and go out and write one that's almost identical to mine. No it does not. I was drafting away like a demon, don't you worry. So without further a do, **** the haters, and on I go, after all isn't the aim of this Blog to keep positive.  

One of the things that Steve M encourages is the observation of the fat habits of other people as a route to becoming anti-fat. Observe those fat habits to move away from a fat life. So in preparation for writing this Blog I have been extra vigilant and taking careful note of what I've been seeing.

More often than not a FAT can be standing smoking at a bus stop waiting for a bus or when they are walking along the road they are stuffing a big pastry. I saw one using a wheelie pusher to get herself into the doctors. In town you can watch FATs driving on their mobility scooters and stopping only to jump off and run into a fish and chip shop. You might think this harsh but I'm just saying what I've been seeing.

This technique is brilliant for changing mindset. Although the idea is to observe the fat habits Not to make judgments about the person, I've actually found myself being repulsed by people's fat. It's everywhere. Big wobbly bottoms. Big fat legs. In a similar way to when you're trying to get pregnant everyone around you seems to be pregnant because you're suddenly more aware and looking out for it. When you're fat and programming your mind to use your own fat to motivate you to get rid of it, you suddenly notice all the Fat around you.

This all brings to mind something I heard years ago about a very fat man sitting on a hot commuter train, sweating. He was on the phone having a very loud conversation with someone, telling them and the whole train carriage "The sweat is pouring out of me!" .....Lovely!!!! This is him, I've used a sombrero to provide anonymity but I wonder if he is still fat? How did he get on this summer?

That tale leads me to another point which I added to this draft in July before the sad loss of Robin Williams, something about which I am truly sad. I have kept the paragraph in as I honestly couldn't bring myself to delete it.

In hot weather, when I was very very fat I used to feel like I was wearing a Mrs Doubtfire fat suit! Very uncomfortable. There's a scene in that movie when Robin Williams is trying to get dressed into his big fat suit for his Mrs Doubtfire disguise and he is really struggling. That's what it's like just trying to get dressed and moving around on a hot day when you've got extra fat weighing you down.

Returning to the topic of observing fat habits another thing that I've noticed is that Fat people so frequently use a big trolley at the supermarket and fill the whole thing. Have you heard of shopping for others? It's absolutely hilarious, to watch, I haven't done it personally but think its a fabulous idea. I could only find an American video of it, which isn't the best but do take a look. The reason why this came to mind is that someone mentioned to me that a new twisted version of shopping for others could be invented - a fat peoples' version. Instead of random items, unhealthy items in a Fat trolley could be replaced with healthy ones! I really do have to laugh out loud at the thought of people discovering a green lettuce or bag of fruit in amongst their junk shop. Recently I heard of one fatty who was riding round a supermarket on a mobility scooter filling the basket with flake deserts. Not just some flake deserts but an entire cardboard tray of them! So this isn't the best example but you'll get the idea: ENJOY 

youtube shopping for others

French Fancies:

As this is basically a Blog / Commentary of following Steve Miller's advice I would also like to mention a small triumph over some French Fancies. I find Steve's Facebook updates incredibly helpful, to the point where he is talking to me in my head some of the time. He had some great advice this week for times when you find yourself eating too much impulsively, suggesting that the need to become more conscious of your actions. I think most of the time the trick is me remembering this when I'm in the moment of reaching for something that's not going to be helpful to weight loss. So I was super chuffed when I actually remembered and used his 5 steps to not open the French Fancies.

The steps involve noticing what you're about to do and removing yourself from the situation. Having a conversation with yourself, telling yourself you're back in control and doing something different. The bit I like best is that after 10 minutes you congratulate yourself. 'Smile and affirm your success'. 

Do check out Steve's Facebook page: Steve Miller Mindset and Motivation. Or his website 

www.stevemillerhypnotherapy.co.uk

I find Steve's positive motivational techniques so helpful. Don't get me wrong I'm not putting him on a pedestal or anything. In fact when I met him I didn't really like him and did not get off to a good start. He reminded me of school teachers I'd had, making judgments about me because I'm quiet and don't ask constant questions, maybe I just didn't like what he said, I don't know. But, since then I've found him a positive source of support, be it through his posts on Facebook, his email support or just the fact that I know that he accepts no excuses, moans or negativity which in turn stops me from dwelling on those things.

So almost at the end of this episode. I've been working hard to add translators and hit counters to this Blog, you can even subscribe to my Blog by e-mail so you'll know when I next manage to post. Thank you so much for reading :)