it's been a while and I'm getting nowhere

Seems like it's been a while since I've written my blog and today has been so so difficult. My weight has basically been fluctuating up and down the same + and - 3lbs for months! Well since July, so 2 months. I'm maintaining my weightloss which is great, if I had woken up a few years ago and found myself at this weight I would have been ecstatic. The truth is that I am more mortified by photos of myself now that I ever was. What is it with that? 

I bought this beautiful dress (photo above), I was so over confident that I didn't even try it on until the night I was wearing it to a Ball. Of course it fitted absolutely fine but I was so far out of my comfort zone wearing it I could hardly stand it. This photo is just so awful that I'm insisting on torturing myself further and posting it to my blog 😪 Below is a comparison, I replicated the photo as best u could but even so, another example, I just can't stand it! 

The truth is that when you set out to lose 7 and a half stone, loosing 5 stone isn't enough. It's not good enough. I spent the early part of the summer being told by others to celebrate my weightloss success but I found this difficult. It just did not feel the right time to stop focusing on how fat I am. I still hve 2 and half stone to lose to get to my personal goal.

I remain going to do my HIIT class every week but need to do more so I followed up booking the kung fu sessions which I hope to start in the next few weeks. I also plan to do the Joe Wicks YouTube workouts again which I've linked in previous posts. I've started badgering my friend by sending her my weight each week, but embarrassing that it went up by 1lb this week 😪 

Weightloss is so, so hard. Its not just the effort of fitness and tracking calories in and calories out, the mental effort it takes can also be a challenge. My changing body can be difficult to take too. I fill Instagram with photos of me but all will have something about that I hate of which male me feel uncomfortable. You can't lose 5 stone and return to the body you had before. It stretches, I ovetstreched my body! Social media is full of women discussing their loose skin following weightloss. I've communicated with a few and they are strong powerful women, I am in ore of their bravery showing and discussing something so private and personal. They have really helped me. Do check out @mariahlosing and @thecollets, both absolutely inspiring. Would Steve Miller be proud of me? He told me to start this blog all those years ago when I met him. It is a way to be accountable and he certainly promotes the hating of fat and fat habits. Well, I resisted the doughnuts in the supermarket tonight so I am still having mini victories. I can't stop now, I've come so far but what I am finding hard today is that I still have so blooming far left to go. Big Love x

losing it! 70lbs is a significant milestone for me.

So its less than a year on from starting my weight loss blast but I have eventually managed to hit a signifant milestone - 5 stone (70lbs) of weight lost. Although I still dislike the majority of photographs taken of me, at the same time I often don't recognise myself, how I was before or how I am now... 🤔

Almost a year on the difference is crazy! I've had to buy a whole new wardrobe for Sumnmer as my clothes were literally falling off of me. I'm certainly not used to seeing pictures of myself that have a waist! 

It's been a lot of hard work everyday but I just don't feel that I can be complacent in any way. I still have my personal goal of 3 more stone to get rid of. 

@CoreyBaker12 recently posted on Instagram that people ask him what happens after you lose the weight? His response is pretty much exactly what I said to my friend last week, "YOU FEEL UNSETTLED BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE MEANT TO DO MORE". This is it, exactly it! My friend asked if I was just celebrating all the time, but I'm not. I'm too busy worrying about the next load! 

I find Instagram a great motivation and accountability. Posting photos of my steps and weight loss makes it for all to see. There is no more hiding. 

I've still got my fortnightly health coaching which is helping. My aims are to eat breakfast, to continue weight loss and to increase my steps each week. This week I increased by 6111 steps 👍🌟

My weekly HIIT workout class will be coming to an end in April so I've got the challenge to find a replacement/ alternative. I have my Marathon 26 mile hike on June. This is a big responsibility and I am worried about the miles and being able to complete it all.... it has been a great motivation to move more and walk. I've just been so unfit for so long that it still picks at my confidence sometimes. 

Well, that's it for this mini-update of my journey to slim. Feels like I might actually be sowly getting there - maybe! 

Coffee, CrossFit and signing up for Coastal Challenges

This month I have been contemplating coffee, trying crossfit (yes, crossfit!!! 🏃‍♀️🏋‍♀️📦🚴‍♀️) and walking - lots. Plus I joined Instagram. As you know, I set the goal last year to stop insisting that photos taken of me are deleted. I still can't stand to see photos of myself so joining Instagram seems a good choice to challenge myself in this area @debster643 

Recently Chris Powell (Celebrity, TV transformation specialist) talked about the positive effects of coffee and weightloss. This really got me thinking, I love coffee. I couldn't have a day without coffee but the thought that coffee might actually be aiding my weight loss..... 🤔☕ that's interesting.

I drink coffee all day and at the moment I now try to drink a coffee before exercising too, just to see if I can get good results from this, in the spirit of my own research and experimentation. 

Chris Powell highlights the following points:

- "Some humans have an enzyme in their liver that breaks down caffeine quickly. Others have an enzyme that breaks it down slowly. Based on genetics and tolerance, the same dose of caffeine can have VERY different effects on our bodies!!

- For fat loss, caffeine has been proven to increase fat mobilization, basically it means that it can help shuttle more fat into your bloodstream – but burning the fat is totally up to you. The more you move while the caffeine’s effects are taking place, the more you’ll burn!

- Caffeine has also been proven to increase mood and sense of well being, mental clarity and give a boost of energy".

He also goes through some undesirable effects of caffeine so here's a link to Chris Powell's commentary on Facebook, his thoughts on coffee and how you can't say if caffeine is right or wrong, it depends in the individual, the individual's biochemistry and their own goals. 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=456523912506504&id=100044466968341&sfnsn=scwspmo

Last week a gym owner invited me to try crossfit at their gym! I was flattered that they though I was fit enough to go along! So Sunday I attended my first crossfit class ever. CrossFit definition is: a high-intensity fitness programme incorporating elements from several sports and types of exercise. CrossFit absolutely looks like this image below:

When I arrived it was a little intimidating. A large room with about 12 people exercising like crazy, non-stop for timed intervals. I was so grateful that I'd been going to my weekly HIIT workout class or I don't think I would be able to keep up with it all. I did some deadlifts (first time ever) and although at the moment the 8kg bar before the weights were added felt heavy, I'm sure it'll get easier! The tag workout challenge was absolutely insane. My partner was amazing and I tried my very best to keep up with repeating weights x16, step ups x10 followed by 300 metres on rowing machine. My partner was rowing 500 metres, I literally don't know how she managed that in the time, I was using full effort to row my 300 metres but some time was lost actually getting my feet out of the grips on the rowing machine at the end of each turn 🤣 I'll be quicker next time, now I know more of what I'm doing! 

Having lost so much weight last year my ongoing fitness goal is still to lose 3 stone more. Although in honesty it's back to feeling a little impossible as I think I've plateaued a little. I'm working everyday which limits my time for walks in the week (even when taking every opportunity) and it's difficult to know what to adjust further with my eating as it's good I think, I'm still logging on MyFitnessPal. 

I've set myself the challenge of walking a charity coastal marathon (26 miles) in June. As I drop down the dress sizes my clothes need to be smaller and I’ve actually ended up ordering an additional vest top for the summer hike because the t-shirt I've already ordered is going to be too big. I have 5 months to train and to push my fitness further for which I have a few plans as to how I'm going to achieve that. 

New Year's non resolutions for 2022

Usually on 1st January it's a case of confessing my weight to my diary and setting myself a whole load of unachievable goals for the coming year. This New Year sees me instead reflecting on what has worked over the past 8 months, what needs to continue and what I need to add in order to get me to my weight loss goal of 105lbs (7 and half stone). I've lost 66.4lbs (4 and a half stone) in 8 months. 

January 1st 2022 above and the previous photos from summer 2021 below. I'm just going to keep taking these photos and comparing them. If a 1kg bag of sugar is 2.2lbs that means I've lost 30 bags of sugar! Although it's not the most flattering of photos (excuse my coat pockets being stuffed with gloves, keys and phone) I can begin to see the difference in these two images. Having people take photographs of me is still a challenging thing for me. I would still prefer to avoid this but as you know that was one of my early goals, to allow photos to be taken of me and for me not to insist that they're deleted. 

I still have almost 3 stone to go this year, that's nearly 42 lbs. 

So I guess I'll get my pens and paper out and draw out the graph. That usually works to have things shown visually. Fitbit scales are still going strong for my weekly weigh in and that sinks automatically with my Fitbit data. 

Continue to add to lots and lots of walks, aiming to get at least 10,000 steps in every day, as often as I can. Continue to do as many HIIT workouts and beach bootcamps as I can fit in too. 

Portion control has played a big part in my weight loss, so once I've clawed back the effects of Christmas eating, I'll be back to porridge and my portion control plate. However I did use a small side plate for my family Christmas Dinner. Sticking to one portion of food only and not allowing myself anything more. I do eat carbs though as they are important in a balanced diet, I usually put the carbs in the diary section of the plate. 

I've signed back up to my health coach too as I had to leave a 6 month gap to qualify again. Although it will be a different person, I am keen to get all the help I can get to achieve my goal. My weight loss always felt impossible but now I feel it that might actually be possible 🤞