it's been a while and I'm getting nowhere

Seems like it's been a while since I've written my blog and today has been so so difficult. My weight has basically been fluctuating up and down the same + and - 3lbs for months! Well since July, so 2 months. I'm maintaining my weightloss which is great, if I had woken up a few years ago and found myself at this weight I would have been ecstatic. The truth is that I am more mortified by photos of myself now that I ever was. What is it with that? 

I bought this beautiful dress (photo above), I was so over confident that I didn't even try it on until the night I was wearing it to a Ball. Of course it fitted absolutely fine but I was so far out of my comfort zone wearing it I could hardly stand it. This photo is just so awful that I'm insisting on torturing myself further and posting it to my blog 😪 Below is a comparison, I replicated the photo as best u could but even so, another example, I just can't stand it! 

The truth is that when you set out to lose 7 and a half stone, loosing 5 stone isn't enough. It's not good enough. I spent the early part of the summer being told by others to celebrate my weightloss success but I found this difficult. It just did not feel the right time to stop focusing on how fat I am. I still hve 2 and half stone to lose to get to my personal goal.

I remain going to do my HIIT class every week but need to do more so I followed up booking the kung fu sessions which I hope to start in the next few weeks. I also plan to do the Joe Wicks YouTube workouts again which I've linked in previous posts. I've started badgering my friend by sending her my weight each week, but embarrassing that it went up by 1lb this week 😪 

Weightloss is so, so hard. Its not just the effort of fitness and tracking calories in and calories out, the mental effort it takes can also be a challenge. My changing body can be difficult to take too. I fill Instagram with photos of me but all will have something about that I hate of which male me feel uncomfortable. You can't lose 5 stone and return to the body you had before. It stretches, I ovetstreched my body! Social media is full of women discussing their loose skin following weightloss. I've communicated with a few and they are strong powerful women, I am in ore of their bravery showing and discussing something so private and personal. They have really helped me. Do check out @mariahlosing and @thecollets, both absolutely inspiring. Would Steve Miller be proud of me? He told me to start this blog all those years ago when I met him. It is a way to be accountable and he certainly promotes the hating of fat and fat habits. Well, I resisted the doughnuts in the supermarket tonight so I am still having mini victories. I can't stop now, I've come so far but what I am finding hard today is that I still have so blooming far left to go. Big Love x

losing it! 70lbs is a significant milestone for me.

So its less than a year on from starting my weight loss blast but I have eventually managed to hit a signifant milestone - 5 stone (70lbs) of weight lost. Although I still dislike the majority of photographs taken of me, at the same time I often don't recognise myself, how I was before or how I am now... 🤔

Almost a year on the difference is crazy! I've had to buy a whole new wardrobe for Sumnmer as my clothes were literally falling off of me. I'm certainly not used to seeing pictures of myself that have a waist! 

It's been a lot of hard work everyday but I just don't feel that I can be complacent in any way. I still have my personal goal of 3 more stone to get rid of. 

@CoreyBaker12 recently posted on Instagram that people ask him what happens after you lose the weight? His response is pretty much exactly what I said to my friend last week, "YOU FEEL UNSETTLED BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE MEANT TO DO MORE". This is it, exactly it! My friend asked if I was just celebrating all the time, but I'm not. I'm too busy worrying about the next load! 

I find Instagram a great motivation and accountability. Posting photos of my steps and weight loss makes it for all to see. There is no more hiding. 

I've still got my fortnightly health coaching which is helping. My aims are to eat breakfast, to continue weight loss and to increase my steps each week. This week I increased by 6111 steps 👍🌟

My weekly HIIT workout class will be coming to an end in April so I've got the challenge to find a replacement/ alternative. I have my Marathon 26 mile hike on June. This is a big responsibility and I am worried about the miles and being able to complete it all.... it has been a great motivation to move more and walk. I've just been so unfit for so long that it still picks at my confidence sometimes. 

Well, that's it for this mini-update of my journey to slim. Feels like I might actually be sowly getting there - maybe! 

Coffee, CrossFit and signing up for Coastal Challenges

This month I have been contemplating coffee, trying crossfit (yes, crossfit!!! 🏃‍♀️🏋‍♀️📦🚴‍♀️) and walking - lots. Plus I joined Instagram. As you know, I set the goal last year to stop insisting that photos taken of me are deleted. I still can't stand to see photos of myself so joining Instagram seems a good choice to challenge myself in this area @debster643 

Recently Chris Powell (Celebrity, TV transformation specialist) talked about the positive effects of coffee and weightloss. This really got me thinking, I love coffee. I couldn't have a day without coffee but the thought that coffee might actually be aiding my weight loss..... 🤔☕ that's interesting.

I drink coffee all day and at the moment I now try to drink a coffee before exercising too, just to see if I can get good results from this, in the spirit of my own research and experimentation. 

Chris Powell highlights the following points:

- "Some humans have an enzyme in their liver that breaks down caffeine quickly. Others have an enzyme that breaks it down slowly. Based on genetics and tolerance, the same dose of caffeine can have VERY different effects on our bodies!!

- For fat loss, caffeine has been proven to increase fat mobilization, basically it means that it can help shuttle more fat into your bloodstream – but burning the fat is totally up to you. The more you move while the caffeine’s effects are taking place, the more you’ll burn!

- Caffeine has also been proven to increase mood and sense of well being, mental clarity and give a boost of energy".

He also goes through some undesirable effects of caffeine so here's a link to Chris Powell's commentary on Facebook, his thoughts on coffee and how you can't say if caffeine is right or wrong, it depends in the individual, the individual's biochemistry and their own goals. 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=456523912506504&id=100044466968341&sfnsn=scwspmo

Last week a gym owner invited me to try crossfit at their gym! I was flattered that they though I was fit enough to go along! So Sunday I attended my first crossfit class ever. CrossFit definition is: a high-intensity fitness programme incorporating elements from several sports and types of exercise. CrossFit absolutely looks like this image below:

When I arrived it was a little intimidating. A large room with about 12 people exercising like crazy, non-stop for timed intervals. I was so grateful that I'd been going to my weekly HIIT workout class or I don't think I would be able to keep up with it all. I did some deadlifts (first time ever) and although at the moment the 8kg bar before the weights were added felt heavy, I'm sure it'll get easier! The tag workout challenge was absolutely insane. My partner was amazing and I tried my very best to keep up with repeating weights x16, step ups x10 followed by 300 metres on rowing machine. My partner was rowing 500 metres, I literally don't know how she managed that in the time, I was using full effort to row my 300 metres but some time was lost actually getting my feet out of the grips on the rowing machine at the end of each turn 🤣 I'll be quicker next time, now I know more of what I'm doing! 

Having lost so much weight last year my ongoing fitness goal is still to lose 3 stone more. Although in honesty it's back to feeling a little impossible as I think I've plateaued a little. I'm working everyday which limits my time for walks in the week (even when taking every opportunity) and it's difficult to know what to adjust further with my eating as it's good I think, I'm still logging on MyFitnessPal. 

I've set myself the challenge of walking a charity coastal marathon (26 miles) in June. As I drop down the dress sizes my clothes need to be smaller and I’ve actually ended up ordering an additional vest top for the summer hike because the t-shirt I've already ordered is going to be too big. I have 5 months to train and to push my fitness further for which I have a few plans as to how I'm going to achieve that. 

New Year's non resolutions for 2022

Usually on 1st January it's a case of confessing my weight to my diary and setting myself a whole load of unachievable goals for the coming year. This New Year sees me instead reflecting on what has worked over the past 8 months, what needs to continue and what I need to add in order to get me to my weight loss goal of 105lbs (7 and half stone). I've lost 66.4lbs (4 and a half stone) in 8 months. 

January 1st 2022 above and the previous photos from summer 2021 below. I'm just going to keep taking these photos and comparing them. If a 1kg bag of sugar is 2.2lbs that means I've lost 30 bags of sugar! Although it's not the most flattering of photos (excuse my coat pockets being stuffed with gloves, keys and phone) I can begin to see the difference in these two images. Having people take photographs of me is still a challenging thing for me. I would still prefer to avoid this but as you know that was one of my early goals, to allow photos to be taken of me and for me not to insist that they're deleted. 

I still have almost 3 stone to go this year, that's nearly 42 lbs. 

So I guess I'll get my pens and paper out and draw out the graph. That usually works to have things shown visually. Fitbit scales are still going strong for my weekly weigh in and that sinks automatically with my Fitbit data. 

Continue to add to lots and lots of walks, aiming to get at least 10,000 steps in every day, as often as I can. Continue to do as many HIIT workouts and beach bootcamps as I can fit in too. 

Portion control has played a big part in my weight loss, so once I've clawed back the effects of Christmas eating, I'll be back to porridge and my portion control plate. However I did use a small side plate for my family Christmas Dinner. Sticking to one portion of food only and not allowing myself anything more. I do eat carbs though as they are important in a balanced diet, I usually put the carbs in the diary section of the plate. 

I've signed back up to my health coach too as I had to leave a 6 month gap to qualify again. Although it will be a different person, I am keen to get all the help I can get to achieve my goal. My weight loss always felt impossible but now I feel it that might actually be possible 🤞

payday treat = FitBit scales

This week has been a good week. I have now lost 38lbs towards my goal of 105lbs. That's approximately 17 bags of sugar, to put that in context see this pallette of sugar at the supermarket! The health benefits are evident already, I feel like I have so much more energy and walking is so much easier. For one thing when walking up hills it doesn't feel as if my heart is going too quickly, I can get to the top without stopping too, before I always had to stop and allow time to recover my heart rate.

I have been using my Fitbit daily to check my step count (and my sleep too). On days when I am stuck at a laptop home working the step count is very low (about 2000). I try to get up and walk on the spot even, just to get moving and it is some effort to remember to do this. On days when the step count is low I take a walk after dinner until I get to 10,000. Actually when you find some enjoyable walks that you can do regularly you start to know how many steps there are in each route, that's really helpful. 

I have got into the habit (rightly or wrongly) of weighing myself everyday. I find it prepares me more than a weekly weigh in, especially on a week when I make loads of effort but my weight stays the same so I don't get disheartened but it also it keeps me in check for the day ahead too. 

I do love a graph. Especially one that is going down in the right direction! This is how I track my progress on the MyFitness Pal app which also automatically syncs to the FitBit and MapMyFitness apps.

At the weekend I started walking with an added 7lb rucksack 🎒 I recently read that in order to make walking (as part of an exercise routine) most effective there are 3 things to consider; pace, distance and carrying a weight. I packed a rucksack and took to some very up and down hills. Although the rucksack was 7lbs I have already lost the equivalent to x5 rucksacks! It blows my mind because the 7lb load makes walking so much harder, how ever did I manage to carry all that weight? 

Since my last blog entry I've started to weigh all my food and put this into the MyFitnessPal app. I was worried that I had reached a plateau so I dropped my daily calorie goal by 200 calories. Interestingly I heard that going under 1200 calories a day is not recommended for health reasons and its important not to drop your calorie count too low, too soon for weight loss because this then makes it difficult to reduce the daily goal further as weight is lost. I currently aim to have 1398 calories a day, having dropped the 200 calories. 

I eat alot of salad at the moment and porridge oats.

Well this week I am continuing my aim to allow photographs to be taken of me and to like them, if I can. I'm going to do my best to get 10,000 steps a day and I am hoping for positive results on the scales 🤞

summer 2021 weight loss and 33lbs down 👍

In May when I decided I had to lose weight it was to get ready for a pending operation under general anesthetic. As I'm on the waiting list, I could be called up at any time so I feel the pressure is on. Since 7th May (now 20th July) I'm down by 34lbs!! That's 15.4 bags of sugar!! (If 1kg bag of sugar = 2.2lbs!). Wow! I feel so much lighter and fitter already yet my weight is now actually where most people would probably be starting! 

I've used eating in a calorie deficit and exercise so far but feel I need to push myself further this week to continue at any satisfying pace. I've been watching YouTube for inspiration. Do check out LouisesJourneyxo on YouTube, she is a true inspiration and has lots of helpful advice and encouragement. See below for her MyFitnessPal advice.

search: https://youtu.be/QZodbrWgq_k

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I've also been completing HIIT workouts at home 3 times a week using Joe Wicks' YouTube tutorials. When I started I could barely keep up with the low impact version of the HIIT workout below - Train with India. Now I can actually complete 8/10 of the harder options and I'm usually still going with the exercises when the timer has stopped for that rep!! That's only taken about 5 weeks. 

search: https://youtu.be/Six8m4Jm6JA

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I've continued with the weekly beach bootcamp 👍 I prefer to do the exercises on the sand to the pebbles but its all done my fitness the world of good. Again I could hardly keep up when I started but now can complete most of what is presented, even if sometimes I don't manage all of a 3rd reps or have to take an easier version for some exercises. The body weight reps are exhausting! I'm proud to say I can now hold my planks for x3 30 second reps and I can almost lift a side plank for more than 2 cm off the ground 🤣

My body fat is now approximately 57% , unfortunately I didn't calculate it at the start. I calculated my current body fat using my neck, hip and waist measurements using the U.S Navy Method. Calculator.net indicates that an ideal body fat for my age = 22.9%. 

This week I've reactivated MyFitnessPal app to track my calories next week. Payday treat this month will hopefully mean some Fitbit Aria Air Scales and some new kitchen scales so that I can accurately calculate my daily calories - whatever works right....? 

Let's hope for another good week next week 🤞 

Wet suits and getting somewhere... maybe? BMI success!! June 2021

17.7lbs down and this weekend saw me fitting into a wetsuit for a water assault course! I never ever thought that either of those things would be happening. I was so worried I had phoned the Aqua Park beforehand to check they'd have a wetsuit that I'd fit in. I gave my height + weight and they seemed pretty confident that it wouldn't be a problem at all and assured me it would fine. Actually when I was there I didn't need anything other than what was already there on the wetsuit hooks. The buoyancy aid however they did find a 'bigger' one for me but to be honest it was way too big for me and when I was swimming it rode up to my ears. I would have been fine with the original one they'd given me, they just don't make buoyancy vests for women with big boobs. They just don't! When I started this blog I described myself as a mum of two babies. They aren't babies anymore and I really don't want to be the can't do mum. When my daughter is saying I should go on the slide I knew I had to do it. Climbing was so difficult under the weight of the equipment and under my own body weight. I had to pull 286 lbs up a very high inflatable climbing frame with rungs so far apart I could hardly lift my leg that heigh - I got to the top (eventually) and then at the top of the very high tower I  had to muster enough courage to go down the slide, and I did. After alot of swimming and effort I completed my hour aqua assault course and all the kids had a fabulous time, which was of course the main purpose of going there in the first place

I have 90lbs still to go! I don't know why I set myself such an ambitious goal... Well I do; Its the weight I was some time ago and I'm an unapologetic perfectionist so crazy end goals do in fact motivate me. 

Second week into my HITT boot camp and typically I've been invited to a job interview just at my boot camp time! Well, old me would have just missed a week, new me has found a pay-as-go session on a different morning, which I'm just going to fit in! I've got to. If I need to be losing 1-2lbs a week then I need to be doing something to a) counteract all sitting down for virtual / laptop working that I do during a working day b) burn all these lbs off! So a £5 HITT at the rec on Thursday morning is booked! 

BMI

Last month I had a bit of a difficult conversation with a consultant. I'm on the waiting list for wisdom tooth extraction under General anesthetic. He asked door my BMI and I did know what it was because I had worked it out for my work covid risk assessment. My BMI on 7th May was ...... 45.6. He politely said the anesthetist would probably phone me in a panic but not to worry and that everything would be fine. I don't know what came over me, probably because I work for the NHS and wanted to say "I'm not fat because I'm stupid and it's all gone a bit wrong", I suddenly tried to explain to him that all the virtual/ laptop working had meant I sat for long hours with little exercise and I'd completed a weight management course and seen a helath coach, oh my goodness, why, oh why was I explaining myself. I think I was just embarrassed. Since that appointment last month I have been so focused on my weightless goal. I dont want to die on an operating table because of my weight. Today my BMI is down to 42.7 (remember it needs to be below 30). 

I inadvertently set myself a stretch goal last week to start liking myself in photos again. I took the wetsuit pic, was brave and uploaded to facebook! Very, very unlike me. I'm just going to keep taking photos until I'm ok with it. I'm realising that these goals that I'm making are made for me to smash down hard. Last week flew past, it really did! Here's to another week of healthy eating, exercise and weight loss 🤞