Food is a drug!

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/18/food-is-a-drug-and-we-have-to-learn-to-say-no

Well the photo below was taken in 2014. As you know this year I'm sporting for no lattes and no cappuccinos so it's certainly been a good while since I enjoyed the arrangement depicted below, plus Mc Donald's wont even sell you a bacon bagel any longer! 

Interesting article about the hit food can give you. Those breakfasts certainly fall into this category. A friend once told me that cheese was a drug. At the moment I tend to avoid buying it to be honest.

Last week I certainly had some success. After a whole month of pilates and no milky coffees I actually lost 3lbs. Only a start and a slow start but it is nonetheless still a start. 

I tried yoga for beginners for the first time on Saturday. It was great and I don't know why it's taken me this long to try? It was more friendly than pilates but challenging too. I like that we were told to smile during the class, that there were lavender eye bags at one point 🧘‍♀️ and the idea of activating my inner smile really has stayed with me. a) I didn't know that I even had an inner smile b) activating an inner smile and carrying it with you through the day - what an amazing philosophy. As weight loss also has to be about health and wellbeing, why not activate an inner smile ......? 🤗 New to me.

My Fitbit stats for last week were encouraging. Because I weigh more that when I started using my Fitbit a few years ago its telling me I have gained 10lbs BUT my average steps per day are increasing. Its do hard on  working car with driving and carrying out work duties. I aim for 10,000 steps a day and interestingly if I'm off work I'm often able to do more than thd 10,000. A walk into town for example will boost the steps. 

The exercising data isn't accurate either as I managed to delete some activity which can't be retrieved and when I enter things manually I don't think it is precise.

Last week I also tried a stretch and tone class. That was a mixture of yoga, tai chi and pilates. It was excellent, challenging and exhausting. I couldn't get booked on it today so just the 10:30 pilates class for me. January at Bannatynes is crazy busy. People keep telling me it calms down by February when people ditch their new year's resolutions. Well, we can see what happens! 

Just a short entry this time round but like all these classes I'm attending; I'm here and I'm going it! 👍

So if I go back to my earlier mention of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life' for a moment. Chris Powell will say to his clients 'It's not all about victories it's about falling down and getting back up'.

      

So if I go back to an earlier mention of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life' for a moment. Chris Powell will say to his clients 'It's not all about victories it's about falling down and getting back up'.

This month (January 2020) has seen me getting back up. Where has the time gone? 3 years ago I was writing this weight loss blog. Since then I've had some set backs including a car crash which put me out of action for a time and has left me suffering persistent vertigo BUT when my health club membership came up for renewal in January (2018) I realised I wasn't ready to quit it! Ok so I've put lots of the weight back on but here I go again, January 2020 - if I increase my movement and watch that I'm eating surely there's got to be results, right?

Since my last time of writing all the fitness apps have changed. I treated myself to a fitbit flex 2 which has been fantastic. I can't use the gym that much at the moment as my vertigo would make looking down at digital displays and along with quick movements would send me spinning but I've been swimming. That's my main reason for choosing a flex2 as it measures my swimming efforts. I've linked my fitbit with my Banantynes app & run keeper, which are great motivators and really do give great +ve feedback.

I suffered a back muscle spasm in Nov'19 which put me completely out of action for a month. The result being weight gain and a sideways lecture from my GP. She was very nice about it and said she didn't want to cause offense but that I ought to lose weight to prevent these things happening again. Since then I've been attending pilates classes to improve my core strength- much needed. At first the only class I could book onto was a ridiculously difficult keep fit pilates, because it always had free spaces. I hadn't realised until too late and it was a shock BUT I'm still going. Do Google fitness pilates, I am sure YouTube will have some footage of what it entails. I would have love to see video footage of and in that first class, I'd turned up ready for relaxing muscle stretches but it was side planks and all sorts of pilates madness. I go to a class once and even twice a week if my work schedule allows. It's still really, really hard and sometimes afterwards, I burst into tears in my car, but I'm still going. This week the class was full (new years resolutions and good intentions for January I think) there wasn't room for any more mats on the floor. One of the regulars told me to watch the instructor and that when it gets like this "she tries to kill people off" - he was not wrong. If was the hardest class I have ever attended, at points I had my eyes closed willing a particular hold to be over. So here I am, back again today for more pilates! Fingers crossed for a slightly more graded class today.

I was given a prescription by my GP for Orlistat but on reflection I thought I ought to try weight loss without it first. The side effects sound pretty drastic and potentially catastrophic. I'm booked to see a Health Coach in a couple of weeks so that will be interesting.

Only new years resolution has been to avoid the lattes and cappuccinos. Hidden calories. One problem has been the extra caffeine in the Americanos can be a bit much. 

Today I've turned up for my pilates class at 10:30 only to find its actually at 12:30! So porridge and chamomile tea (still avoiding the lattes) followed by a swim I guess .... oh, and writing this blog which has been dormant for some years now. Well I called this blog journey to slim and I'm very much still on that journey. Bis bald x

January 2015 and surviving Christmas.

So I've missed my Blog these last 3 months. Maternity leave has finished and I'm back to work which is why it's now suddenly a lot of juggling and for lots of the time I am absolutely exhausted. For 2014 I managed to lose just over 51lbs and happily, the good news is I was able to maintain my weight-loss too.

Surviving Christmas was a conscious effort not to overeat and although I did have treats that I wouldn't normally have I did try to balance things. I had my annual bottle of Baileys but I certainly didn't want to gain the lbs as I had done over Christmas last year. I very much enjoyed eating some delicious home made Christmas fruit cake and plenty of lebkuchen which are amazing German biscuits similar to but not really like gingerbread.

For a treat I even ventured out to a Beefeater for lunch where they served the coleslaw in reusable plastic pots with lids which I don't necessarily agree with:

When I weighed myself after Christmas I'd gained 2lbs. So I consider that to be a small success to be honest. I think planning ahead by doing my weekly shopping online helped a great deal and stopped any impulse purchases. Not buying chocolate or too many snacks was a definite advantage. This brings me up to date and this week I have been dancing (in the comfort of my own home) and still allowing myself small 'treats' I tried my first ever macchiato. I didn't even realise what it was when I ordered but it was delicious however I'll be strictly back to my Americano with milk from now on.

In order to gain some motivation for the task ahead I have been watching episodes of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life'. These people are starting at 445lbs and 456lbs. Their stories are inspirational. In the first 3 month phase they are set the goal by Chris Powell to lose 100lbs and at the end of the 365 days they manage to lose 200lbs! It's amazing, the transformation that these people achieve in one year. Last year with much determination I lost a total of 51lbs. My personal goal weight means I have to lose 70lbs this year, that's 5 stone that needs to go!

I made a decision to not make New Year's resolutions this year. In the past my resolutions have been mostly weight related. Reading old journals it seems every year I would set a weight loss goal but actually I would be weighing more than I had done the previous year so it always felt quite hopeless. This year I am more positive, indeed hopeful rather than hopeless. It is also worth noting (I think) that my weight loss last year was near on twice the amount that I have lost in the past when I have been attending a slimming club. 

Although I haven't set resolutions I think the New Year does lead to some reflection of things you ought to be doing, including how much exercise is going on. Ultimately I tell myself eat less and move more as much as possible. It's the moving more that I know I'm going to have to increase. So when I'm lucky enough to take a lunch break, which isn't very often, I'll take a walk to buy a sandwich instead of driving there. Actually after doing this four or five times I managed to halve my time getting there and back and I felt so much better for it. 

All this talk of exercise leads me nicely onto something which I tried for the first time this week, Just Dance 2014 on the Wii U and I absolutely loved it. I have been thinking about a workout and trying to work out how I can successfully add exercise into my daily routine. I like swimming but don't really have the option of getting there as regularly as I need to. I used to play badminton and if I manage to play a game or two this year I'll be very happy BUT with something like a dance game that's at home there's no travel time, no extra cost and technically I can do that most evenings. It does have a great 'sweat' mode to set 10-40 minute workouts so I'll definitely be giving that a go. Now I've put that on here I'll have to do it. It was great fun, I moved the lounge floor mat around the room I was dancing all over the place so much and it has been a while since I've felt the benefit of endorphins. It really lifted my mood.

Now that does feel like there is a plan. Some exercise organised and at the beginning of the year I'm on track to stay on track. I'm rushing to my own deadline to get this written in January as I do plan to keep to my monthly Blog instalments, well that's my intention. Of course this year is also an extra special year for me. I think I've mentioned before that a weight loss motivation for me is that I don't want to be Fat and Forty and I am hoping that with hard work I really wont have to be.

I've been saving the following link for some time and I'm sharing as now feels as good a time as any, plus it also links to a final story from my adventures to slim. Recently as I was packing things away at the end of a party I was merrily waving goodbye to people across a large sports hall. The distance between me and them at the exit was quite some way so I did put some effort in to making my wave as friendly and visible as possible. With some horror, mid-wave I realised that I had a Bingo wing waving independently to my waving hand. This has never happened before, maybe losing some weight makes it more obvious to me but I suddenly became very aware of my wobbly wings, flapping along to my wave, how embarrassing. So with pleasure, I share with you, a 10 minute Bingo Wing Blaster which I seriously need to be implementing! 
Bis Bald x

Click here for a bingo-wings-blaster

FAT ATTITUDE and postpartum flab!

It's ALL about attitude. Whatever the motivation is to lose the weight, it is also all about the attitude; the attitude towards yourself and the food around you.

I realise I had a bit of attitude in my last Blog. I was angry and I'm sorry if that resulted in me being a litttle too harsh on the Fats; this Blog is supposed to be about keeping positive so I will endevour to move onward and upward. I absolutely love writing this Blog. I am realising the importance of a positive attitude not only in life but to weight loss. The affirmations that Steve M encourages are so helpful, 'keep on it', 'feeling inspired' and 'feeling motivated' that is why I include them in my Blog. I am reflecting on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling and affirming with a positive statement. Surprisingly this takes some effort and thought from me. Being positive doesn't come naturally or even easily to all of us.

I've found during my 'FAT life' that other people have given out the 'attitude' to me as a judgement of my fatness. In some ways I could thank these people but I wont because at the time it was often, inappropriately, when I was particularly vulnerable and even in their care, so I'll just observe their prejudices for now and learn from it. No doubt I'll return to this in a minute. Yes its the sad truth that generally people do not respect a FAT one.

It might even be saying hello to another mum at nursery. One mum just completely shut down my attempts to talk to her which at the time did make me question whether it was because I was fat? What impression was I giving? And anyway, who wants a FAT mum anyway...?

In this bbc article they discuss fat prejudice which is very interesting but it is actually the comments that follow that are the most thought provoking. Do take a look at this BBC link. Some people are full of excuses and others seem genuinely angry that Fat people exist.

During pregnancy there was one particular ultrasound sonographer who made it his mission to complain about my fatness and was incredibly rough. Following a scan from him I would actually be in discomfort the next day. I remember reading about sonographers getting RSI from having to press down harder on FAT pregnant women to get a scan. Unfortunately I can't find the article to add a link for it but an Internet search certainly brings up lots of research papers on the subject. Every written report they wrote would start with 'difficulty due to raised BMI', 'reduced visibility due to increased BMI'. It used to drive me mad but now I can see it more from their point of view. Being FAT is no fun and being FAT & pregnant is certainly no joke.

My pregnancy (when FAT) photo gallery:

During the birth of my second baby the midwife acted like she hated me. It was the birth from hell but what really didn't help me was that this midwife made an initial judgement about me based on my size (how I looked) and it influenced her entire approach. That midwife was contemptuous and vindictive and certainly not the person I needed around me in that situation, indeed her treatment of me upsets me to this day.

I recently watched a programme about medieval birth. It fascinated me that they took woman off to dark rooms creating a cocoon of safety and sanctuary. Such a stark contrast to the strip lit bare torture chambers of today. I do jest a little but strip lights, constant interruptions and beeping machinery are very far removed from anything that creates any feelings of safety or indeed sanctuary. 

If you're overweight and pregnant the medical profession are obsessed with gestational diabetes. I was sent for GTT tests on a regular basis and rightly so if necessary but people could not believe I could be that over weight & pregnant and not be diabetic. They tried to send me for GTTs less than a week apart on one occasion and I had to get my consultant and community midwife to intervene. I of course didn't need two GTTs within such a short space of time but the registrar just couldn't believe that the results were all clear even though I had no symptoms! 

I had the same thing as an overweight vegan. My GP at the time took one look at my fatness and suggested he take my blood pressure for a quick random check. Surprise, surprise my blood pressure was spot on. Mostly I owe this to the years of drinking soya milk and eating tofu. I did read that it can be common to put on weight when following a vegan diet if you don't quite get the nutritional balance correct. I did put on a lot of weight as a vegan but I'm sure lifestyle is also to blame. I count myself lucky that my blood pressure has always been fine BUT carry on being obese & overweight and this might not continue. After all in my early Blogs I identified that health jeopardy is a motivation for me to lose the weight. This is a serious matter after all. 

In an article which I do have the link for, Kim Brooks writes about weight struggles and pregnancy. I particularly like her humour. I didn't quiet relate to the cashier at the drive thru knowing my name but I do recall driving to work one morning, racked with guilt at being pregnant and so indirectly giving the baby a drive thru, fast food breakfast! Check out the Kim Brooks article: I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I hate it.

Where I am now, is at the getting rid of the postpartum flab part. Unlike what is recommended I did not lose all the baby weight following my first child to be ready for my next pregnancies. This 'Healthy weight loss after pregnancy' article suggests that; "As long as you feel healthy and ready, as a rough guide, you should aim to return your pre-pregnancy weight by the time your baby is about six months old. If you're finding it takes longer than this, don't give yourself a hard time. Just set yourself a target of getting to the weight you want by your baby’s first birthday" (babycentre healthy-weight-loss-after-birth suggestions). For me to get to the weight that I want by my baby's first birthday, well that gives me one month to melt another 5 stone! I guess because I was just so overweight before my pregnancies I do have further to go than most? I have actually lost all of the baby weight, now weighing less than I did four years ago, less than at my wedding but (and the big butt) there is plenty of room for improvement. 

This is me now: September 2014

Wow, I do seem to be all guns blazing for this Blog episode, don't I ?!? Drawing on all my unique selling points. I've been working hard in past months to find them, to find my writing voice but it is me. I am keeping it real. This is not just a weight loss Blog. My Blog comes not only from my motivation to lose weight but also it's a personal account and commentary, my post pregnancy Blog. So to finish 'Take that Bembridge Schollars' :) 

Being anti-fat, shopping for others and French Fancies.

Apologies for the absence in Blog over the last few weeks. Illness and juggling childcare, builders, selling houses and life all got a bit crazy for a while. That doesn't mean the absence of my heartfelt Blog means you have to rip me off and go out and write one that's almost identical to mine. No it does not. I was drafting away like a demon, don't you worry. So without further a do, **** the haters, and on I go, after all isn't the aim of this Blog to keep positive.  

One of the things that Steve M encourages is the observation of the fat habits of other people as a route to becoming anti-fat. Observe those fat habits to move away from a fat life. So in preparation for writing this Blog I have been extra vigilant and taking careful note of what I've been seeing.

More often than not a FAT can be standing smoking at a bus stop waiting for a bus or when they are walking along the road they are stuffing a big pastry. I saw one using a wheelie pusher to get herself into the doctors. In town you can watch FATs driving on their mobility scooters and stopping only to jump off and run into a fish and chip shop. You might think this harsh but I'm just saying what I've been seeing.

This technique is brilliant for changing mindset. Although the idea is to observe the fat habits Not to make judgments about the person, I've actually found myself being repulsed by people's fat. It's everywhere. Big wobbly bottoms. Big fat legs. In a similar way to when you're trying to get pregnant everyone around you seems to be pregnant because you're suddenly more aware and looking out for it. When you're fat and programming your mind to use your own fat to motivate you to get rid of it, you suddenly notice all the Fat around you.

This all brings to mind something I heard years ago about a very fat man sitting on a hot commuter train, sweating. He was on the phone having a very loud conversation with someone, telling them and the whole train carriage "The sweat is pouring out of me!" .....Lovely!!!! This is him, I've used a sombrero to provide anonymity but I wonder if he is still fat? How did he get on this summer?

That tale leads me to another point which I added to this draft in July before the sad loss of Robin Williams, something about which I am truly sad. I have kept the paragraph in as I honestly couldn't bring myself to delete it.

In hot weather, when I was very very fat I used to feel like I was wearing a Mrs Doubtfire fat suit! Very uncomfortable. There's a scene in that movie when Robin Williams is trying to get dressed into his big fat suit for his Mrs Doubtfire disguise and he is really struggling. That's what it's like just trying to get dressed and moving around on a hot day when you've got extra fat weighing you down.

Returning to the topic of observing fat habits another thing that I've noticed is that Fat people so frequently use a big trolley at the supermarket and fill the whole thing. Have you heard of shopping for others? It's absolutely hilarious, to watch, I haven't done it personally but think its a fabulous idea. I could only find an American video of it, which isn't the best but do take a look. The reason why this came to mind is that someone mentioned to me that a new twisted version of shopping for others could be invented - a fat peoples' version. Instead of random items, unhealthy items in a Fat trolley could be replaced with healthy ones! I really do have to laugh out loud at the thought of people discovering a green lettuce or bag of fruit in amongst their junk shop. Recently I heard of one fatty who was riding round a supermarket on a mobility scooter filling the basket with flake deserts. Not just some flake deserts but an entire cardboard tray of them! So this isn't the best example but you'll get the idea: ENJOY 

youtube shopping for others

French Fancies:

As this is basically a Blog / Commentary of following Steve Miller's advice I would also like to mention a small triumph over some French Fancies. I find Steve's Facebook updates incredibly helpful, to the point where he is talking to me in my head some of the time. He had some great advice this week for times when you find yourself eating too much impulsively, suggesting that the need to become more conscious of your actions. I think most of the time the trick is me remembering this when I'm in the moment of reaching for something that's not going to be helpful to weight loss. So I was super chuffed when I actually remembered and used his 5 steps to not open the French Fancies.

The steps involve noticing what you're about to do and removing yourself from the situation. Having a conversation with yourself, telling yourself you're back in control and doing something different. The bit I like best is that after 10 minutes you congratulate yourself. 'Smile and affirm your success'. 

Do check out Steve's Facebook page: Steve Miller Mindset and Motivation. Or his website 

www.stevemillerhypnotherapy.co.uk

I find Steve's positive motivational techniques so helpful. Don't get me wrong I'm not putting him on a pedestal or anything. In fact when I met him I didn't really like him and did not get off to a good start. He reminded me of school teachers I'd had, making judgments about me because I'm quiet and don't ask constant questions, maybe I just didn't like what he said, I don't know. But, since then I've found him a positive source of support, be it through his posts on Facebook, his email support or just the fact that I know that he accepts no excuses, moans or negativity which in turn stops me from dwelling on those things.

So almost at the end of this episode. I've been working hard to add translators and hit counters to this Blog, you can even subscribe to my Blog by e-mail so you'll know when I next manage to post. Thank you so much for reading :) 

Catching up, the straight and narrow & Vegan travels.

This week I've lost a couple of lbs but I am still playing catch up from the last week's shameful gain. However, for the first time in many years I'm in the 17s. I have been following Steve M's 80:20 rule. Which is really about eating healthy stuff for 80% of the time and allowing 20% for junk/ what I fancy eating. He has even suggested that giving up the junk completely is dangerous. Making the healthy choices is a little challenging but generally viewing things in this simple way is very useful. Following the 80:20 rule is being in control of food. I think last week I got the percentages round the wrong way and there is no hiding from that when it happens.

I like the idea of having this sensible outlook on food. I have tried diet clubs in the past and although I lost the weight would always put on what I'd lost and more in the end. There is clearly something wrong with the 'diet' model. When I say that I've tried diet clubs that is a bit of an understatement. I think I joined one well known diet club four or five times. Each time I'd go to a new location and of course each time I'd weigh more than I had the previous time! The people running the groups varied enormously in their ability to motivate me through the week or even to hold my attention for the meetings. Helpful recipes for 'ok' courgette cake are all well and good but at the end of the day I wouldn't usually make a courgette cake so it ends up being a gimmick. There is always a sense of relief when these diet clubs finish or usually my interest and motivation dwindles after months of calorie counting, food logging and effort. The truth is that having lost over 3 stone now it doesnt feel as if it's been that much 'effort' more just discipline and choice. So, far better in my opinion to stick to a positive mindset and sensible eating as a way of life rather than starting a diet enthused only to fail a couple of months later.  

The straight and narrow for me is lots of soup, salad and portion control microwave meals. Any soup is great. Cuppa soup, tinned soup or home made soup. If I feel I've eaten a bit too much in the day or over the week then soup can often tip things in my favour for weigh in. 

I heard this week that someone who I haven't seen in a long time has managed to lose 6 stone. I said in my last blog that I didn't find other people's weight loss stories helpful but I did find this news inspiring. I feel genuinely happy for her as this is a huge achievement. I heard that eating lots of leaves (salad) was involved which isn't a bad thing. I often have to balance my dinners with salad. Half a plate of 'food' to half salad. 

Salad: I have always found salad hard work. I don't really like the typical 'salad' so I really try to make salad interesting. I was vegan for 9 years so I do consider myself something of an expert on salads, especially when ordering them out. As a vegan, more often than not, the only vegan option on a menu would be salad (no dressing) and chips. My own choice of course to be a vegan but that didn't make it any easier to order a meal and then the feeling of disappointment and annoyance when presented with some limp, dull lettuce leaves, a couple of slices of tomato and red onion if I was lucky! The UK (in my experience) has a particularly poor salad imagination. I've been pleasantly surprised during more adventurous travels at the effort some chefs have put into making a vegan salad. 

Whilst staying at the Holiday Inn in Helsinki, (Finland) I made my usual order of side salad and chips. The most amazing salad with sculpted cucumber arrived. It was delicious and a delight to eat. It was most unexpected and welcome.

On a Nile cruise I was taken aback by the effort and consideration that they went to every day to ensure we had a good vegan dinner. They even brought the bag of pasta to our table for us to check that the  ingredients were ok. Every night they would prepare something wonderful for us. Our food was always different to everyone else and their care was very much appreciated. One night there was an Egyptian buffet for the evening meal and there was no need for us to have a special meal prepared, it was pretty much all vegan kosher.  Beautiful salads with orange and beet root, houmous... It was wonderful to my vegan palate and while other people were a bit wary of the 'new' food we tucked right in. Fresh and delicious. 

One of my favourite salads to order out now that I am no longer vegan, is the Salad Niçoise. This was all good until I went to Italy and had the most incredible (authentic) Salad Niçoise at Gusto Leo in Florence. In case you don't know this salad has tomatoes, tuna, hard-boiled eggs, olives, anchovies and usually capers too. Delicious! As with anything, once you've had the real thing anything substandard will be a disappointment and I would say that when it comes to salads I'm particularly hard to please in restaurants. 

During a road trip across America (by which time I had downgraded from Vegan to Vegetarian) I found salad items hard to acquire as I travelled up from the South. The best I could do in one supermarket was some onions in a fridge but by the time I'd reached California the fresh salad produce was amazing.

That's not to say the UK supermarkets don't make an effort! Morrisons dry ice salad counter for example, although it looks as though not everyone was impressed with the Yorkshire Post reporting that "The head of Morrisons has denied allegations that ... critics have said core customers don't want gimmicks such as vegetables swathed in dry ice or exotic produce ...". Well I quite enjoyed the dry ice. I thought it was exciting. 

I observed that Americans are far more assertive ordering food and won't put up with anything wrong. Sitting at dinner in San Francisco we overheard two men discussing the salad they'd been served. On receiving their food they exclaimed loudly (pretty much to the whole restaurant) "this isn't ranch!!! this is more like blue cheese!". We had to laugh at their outrage over a salad dressing but on the other hand, why not!? It wasn't what they'd been expecting from the salads and that was the end of the story.

Because of these wonderful experiences around the world it really does show people up when they serve up a no thought salad and charge a small fortune for the privilege. So as the summer temperatures reach a high in the UK this week, here's to some tasty, colourful and thoughtful salads :) and no excuses from any establishments I might dine in, this week I'll be expecting nothing but the best!

It was all going so well.. Then this happened...

Bad photo alert! I was beginning to feel really buoyed up by my progress. Fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years and moving around easier, and then this photo was taken of me last week. What a shock for me, STILL FAT. I've got to get this printed and put up before I get complacent. I think this is probably the worst photo taken of me ever!

FAT photos are important, they're a great motivator. Everyone has one. The photo that you don't quite recognise yourself in. The one that makes you think "do I really look like that?!". I have one stuck to the inside of my kitchen cupboard next to my FAT graph. Steve M suggests having this photo near you while you eat, carry it around with you even. 

I've dug out my FAT photos from the last 8 months. It's true I've managed to shift alot of that FAT but having adjusted my diet and way of thinking I've been a little stuck this week. I'm obviously eating to maintain my weight at the monent. I seem to go up and down during the week usually returning to just under what I was at the previous weigh in?? I need to change something...

Maybe I'll venture out for some exercise? It's going to take some arranging and time juggling but think I've got to be doing something proactive to keep the weight coming off. Sometimes it does feel insurmountable. The amount I have to get rid of is still so much. So let's review the progress so far. I'm hoping that this might be what I need to get back in charge of things.

FAT PHOTOS: This photo was taken last October. It's my starting point. Looking at it now I don't recognise myself at all. 

As I've said before I didn't weigh myself during pregnancy, I had enough to be worrying about so weight and 'being on a diet' went on hold for 9 months. Maybe if I'd been in better shape (or been a better  shape) I wouldn't have had the complications that I did. I certainly wouldn't have experienced the predjudice and judgement that's for sure. I'm just very grateful to have come through it alive so that now I have my body back, I can address my weight issues.

Then the photo below was taken in January. 

I lost some weight before Christmas but put some of it back on over Christmas. I look like Giant Haystacks in this photo! (he was a large wrestler in the 80s). I think that I was so relieved that pregnancy and birth was over that I possibly 'over relaxed' during the festive season. Far too much cheese and chocolate! 

I'm sharing these photos so there's no hiding from them for me. I seem to have become stuck where I am at the moment. Essentially this is a Blog of shame this week. I put on some lbs instead of melting them. Could this be an end to my spoon of Nutella in my porridge? Maybe so...?

This week I've been reading a selection of some of the other weight loss Blogs that are out there. I was disappointed because lots of these people have already lost all their weight. Not sure if it's just me but I really don't find that motivating to read? Great they've done it, good for them but how does that help me right now? I'm hoping this Blog is read by other people and that maybe something I try will help someone else. At any rate writing this is certainly keeping me focused. Like I said, it really does feel like the Blog of shame this week. Shame that I didn't stick to my plan enough, so frustrating.

And now... Time to get back on it. I need to go back to my action plan. One thing on that list was to buy a full length mirror. I don't own any full length mirrors at the moment so I need to sort that out. Steve M advises to use the full length mirror to motivate yourself, by looking at yourself in the mirror and giving yourself a pep talk. I love this idea and think it would really help. I like the idea of having a conversation with myself to set things straight and being tough on myself when I need to. Feeling really annoyed with myself this week. But as some people say, "turn that frown upside down". Got to stay positive and get back on track.

Thanks for reading. Until next time :)