Friday, 2 September 2022

it's been a while and I'm getting nowhere


Seems like it's been a while since I've written my blog and today has been so so difficult. My weight has basically been fluctuating up and down the same + and - 3lbs for months! Well since July, so 2 months. I'm maintaining my weightloss which is great, if I had woken up a few years ago and found myself at this weight I would have been ecstatic. The truth is that I am more mortified by photos of myself now that I ever was. What is it with that? 
I bought this beautiful dress (photo above), I was so over confident that I didn't even try it on until the night I was wearing it to a Ball. Of course it fitted absolutely fine but I was so far out of my comfort zone wearing it I could hardly stand it. This photo is just so awful that I'm insisting on torturing myself further and posting it to my blog πŸ˜ͺ Below is a comparison, I replicated the photo as best u could but even so, another example, I just can't stand it! 


The truth is that when you set out to lose 7 and a half stone, loosing 5 stone isn't enough. It's not good enough. I spent the early part of the summer being told by others to celebrate my weightloss success but I found this difficult. It just did not feel the right time to stop focusing on how fat I am. I still hve 2 and half stone to lose to get to my personal goal.


I remain going to do my HIIT class every week but need to do more so I followed up booking the kung fu sessions which I hope to start in the next few weeks. I also plan to do the Joe Wicks YouTube workouts again which I've linked in previous posts. I've started badgering my friend by sending her my weight each week, but embarrassing that it went up by 1lb this week πŸ˜ͺ 

Weightloss is so, so hard. Its not just the effort of fitness and tracking calories in and calories out, the mental effort it takes can also be a challenge. My changing body can be difficult to take too. I fill Instagram with photos of me but all will have something about that I hate of which male me feel uncomfortable. You can't lose 5 stone and return to the body you had before. It stretches, I ovetstreched my body! Social media is full of women discussing their loose skin following weightloss. I've communicated with a few and they are strong powerful women, I am in ore of their bravery showing and discussing something so private and personal. They have really helped me. Do check out @mariahlosing and @thecollets, both absolutely inspiring. Would Steve Miller be proud of me? He told me to start this blog all those years ago when I met him. It is a way to be accountable and he certainly promotes the hating of fat and fat habits. Well, I resisted the doughnuts in the supermarket tonight so I am still having mini victories. I can't stop now, I've come so far but what I am finding hard today is that I still have so blooming far left to go. Big Love x

Thursday, 14 April 2022

losing it! 70lbs is a significant milestone for me.

So its less than a year on from starting my weight loss blast but I have eventually managed to hit a signifant milestone - 5 stone (70lbs) of weight lost. Although I still dislike the majority of photographs taken of me, at the same time I often don't recognise myself, how I was before or how I am now... πŸ€”

Almost a year on the difference is crazy! I've had to buy a whole new wardrobe for Sumnmer as my clothes were literally falling off of me. I'm certainly not used to seeing pictures of myself that have a waist! 
It's been a lot of hard work everyday but I just don't feel that I can be complacent in any way. I still have my personal goal of 3 more stone to get rid of. 

@CoreyBaker12 recently posted on Instagram that people ask him what happens after you lose the weight? His response is pretty much exactly what I said to my friend last week, "YOU FEEL UNSETTLED BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE MEANT TO DO MORE". This is it, exactly it! My friend asked if I was just celebrating all the time, but I'm not. I'm too busy worrying about the next load! 
I find Instagram a great motivation and accountability. Posting photos of my steps and weight loss makes it for all to see. There is no more hiding. 

I've still got my fortnightly health coaching which is helping. My aims are to eat breakfast, to continue weight loss and to increase my steps each week. This week I increased by 6111 steps πŸ‘πŸŒŸ
My weekly HIIT workout class will be coming to an end in April so I've got the challenge to find a replacement/ alternative. I have my Marathon 26 mile hike on June. This is a big responsibility and I am worried about the miles and being able to complete it all.... it has been a great motivation to move more and walk. I've just been so unfit for so long that it still picks at my confidence sometimes. 

Well, that's it for this mini-update of my journey to slim. Feels like I might actually be sowly getting there - maybe! 













Tuesday, 18 January 2022

Coffee, CrossFit and signing up for Coastal Challenges

This month I have been contemplating coffee, trying crossfit (yes, crossfit!!! πŸƒ‍♀️πŸ‹‍♀️πŸ“¦πŸš΄‍♀️) and walking - lots. Plus I joined Instagram. As you know, I set the goal last year to stop insisting that photos taken of me are deleted. I still can't stand to see photos of myself so joining Instagram seems a good choice to challenge myself in this area @debster643 

Recently Chris Powell (Celebrity, TV transformation specialist) talked about the positive effects of coffee and weightloss. This really got me thinking, I love coffee. I couldn't have a day without coffee but the thought that coffee might actually be aiding my weight loss..... πŸ€”☕ that's interesting.

I drink coffee all day and at the moment I now try to drink a coffee before exercising too, just to see if I can get good results from this, in the spirit of my own research and experimentation. 
Chris Powell highlights the following points:
- "Some humans have an enzyme in their liver that breaks down caffeine quickly. Others have an enzyme that breaks it down slowly. Based on genetics and tolerance, the same dose of caffeine can have VERY different effects on our bodies!!
- For fat loss, caffeine has been proven to increase fat mobilization, basically it means that it can help shuttle more fat into your bloodstream – but burning the fat is totally up to you. The more you move while the caffeine’s effects are taking place, the more you’ll burn!
- Caffeine has also been proven to increase mood and sense of well being, mental clarity and give a boost of energy".

He also goes through some undesirable effects of caffeine so here's a link to Chris Powell's commentary on Facebook, his thoughts on coffee and how you can't say if caffeine is right or wrong, it depends in the individual, the individual's biochemistry and their own goals. 
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=456523912506504&id=100044466968341&sfnsn=scwspmo

Last week a gym owner invited me to try crossfit at their gym! I was flattered that they though I was fit enough to go along! So Sunday I attended my first crossfit class ever. CrossFit definition is: a high-intensity fitness programme incorporating elements from several sports and types of exercise. CrossFit absolutely looks like this image below:
When I arrived it was a little intimidating. A large room with about 12 people exercising like crazy, non-stop for timed intervals. I was so grateful that I'd been going to my weekly HIIT workout class or I don't think I would be able to keep up with it all. I did some deadlifts (first time ever) and although at the moment the 8kg bar before the weights were added felt heavy, I'm sure it'll get easier! The tag workout challenge was absolutely insane. My partner was amazing and I tried my very best to keep up with repeating weights x16, step ups x10 followed by 300 metres on rowing machine. My partner was rowing 500 metres, I literally don't know how she managed that in the time, I was using full effort to row my 300 metres but some time was lost actually getting my feet out of the grips on the rowing machine at the end of each turn 🀣 I'll be quicker next time, now I know more of what I'm doing! 

Having lost so much weight last year my ongoing fitness goal is still to lose 3 stone more. Although in honesty it's back to feeling a little impossible as I think I've plateaued a little. I'm working everyday which limits my time for walks in the week (even when taking every opportunity) and it's difficult to know what to adjust further with my eating as it's good I think, I'm still logging on MyFitnessPal. 

I've set myself the challenge of walking a charity coastal marathon (26 miles) in June. As I drop down the dress sizes my clothes need to be smaller and I’ve actually ended up ordering an additional vest top for the summer hike because the t-shirt I've already ordered is going to be too big. I have 5 months to train and to push my fitness further for which I have a few plans as to how I'm going to achieve that. 






Saturday, 1 January 2022

New Year's non resolutions for 2022

Usually on 1st January it's a case of confessing my weight to my diary and setting myself a whole load of unachievable goals for the coming year. This New Year sees me instead reflecting on what has worked over the past 8 months, what needs to continue and what I need to add in order to get me to my weight loss goal of 105lbs (7 and half stone). I've lost 66.4lbs (4 and a half stone) in 8 months. January 1st 2022 above and the previous photos from summer 2021 below. I'm just going to keep taking these photos and comparing them. If a 1kg bag of sugar is 2.2lbs that means I've lost 30 bags of sugar! Although it's not the most flattering of photos (excuse my coat pockets being stuffed with gloves, keys and phone) I can begin to see the difference in these two images. Having people take photographs of me is still a challenging thing for me. I would still prefer to avoid this but as you know that was one of my early goals, to allow photos to be taken of me and for me not to insist that they're deleted. 
I still have almost 3 stone to go this year, that's nearly 42 lbs. 

So I guess I'll get my pens and paper out and draw out the graph. That usually works to have things shown visually. Fitbit scales are still going strong for my weekly weigh in and that sinks automatically with my Fitbit data. 


Continue to add to lots and lots of walks, aiming to get at least 10,000 steps in every day, as often as I can. Continue to do as many HIIT workouts and beach bootcamps as I can fit in too. 
Portion control has played a big part in my weight loss, so once I've clawed back the effects of Christmas eating, I'll be back to porridge and my portion control plate. However I did use a small side plate for my family Christmas Dinner. Sticking to one portion of food only and not allowing myself anything more. I do eat carbs though as they are important in a balanced diet, I usually put the carbs in the diary section of the plate. 

I've signed back up to my health coach too as I had to leave a 6 month gap to qualify again. Although it will be a different person, I am keen to get all the help I can get to achieve my goal. My weight loss always felt impossible but now I feel it that might actually be possible 🀞






Monday, 9 August 2021

payday treat = FitBit scales

This week has been a good week. I have now lost 38lbs towards my goal of 105lbs. That's approximately 17 bags of sugar, to put that in context see this pallette of sugar at the supermarket! The health benefits are evident already, I feel like I have so much more energy and walking is so much easier. For one thing when walking up hills it doesn't feel as if my heart is going too quickly, I can get to the top without stopping too, before I always had to stop and allow time to recover my heart rate.

I have been using my Fitbit daily to check my step count (and my sleep too). On days when I am stuck at a laptop home working the step count is very low (about 2000). I try to get up and walk on the spot even, just to get moving and it is some effort to remember to do this. On days when the step count is low I take a walk after dinner until I get to 10,000. Actually when you find some enjoyable walks that you can do regularly you start to know how many steps there are in each route, that's really helpful. 

I have got into the habit (rightly or wrongly) of weighing myself everyday. I find it prepares me more than a weekly weigh in, especially on a week when I make loads of effort but my weight stays the same so I don't get disheartened but it also it keeps me in check for the day ahead too. 

I do love a graph. Especially one that is going down in the right direction! This is how I track my progress on the MyFitness Pal app which also automatically syncs to the FitBit and MapMyFitness apps.

At the weekend I started walking with an added 7lb rucksack πŸŽ’ I recently read that in order to make walking (as part of an exercise routine) most effective there are 3 things to consider; pace, distance and carrying a weight. I packed a rucksack and took to some very up and down hills. Although the rucksack was 7lbs I have already lost the equivalent to x5 rucksacks! It blows my mind because the 7lb load makes walking so much harder, how ever did I manage to carry all that weight? 

Since my last blog entry I've started to weigh all my food and put this into the MyFitnessPal app. I was worried that I had reached a plateau so I dropped my daily calorie goal by 200 calories. Interestingly I heard that going under 1200 calories a day is not recommended for health reasons and its important not to drop your calorie count too low, too soon for weight loss because this then makes it difficult to reduce the daily goal further as weight is lost. I currently aim to have 1398 calories a day, having dropped the 200 calories. 

I eat alot of salad at the moment and porridge oats.

Well this week I am continuing my aim to allow photographs to be taken of me and to like them, if I can. I'm going to do my best to get 10,000 steps a day and I am hoping for positive results on the scales 🀞

Wednesday, 21 July 2021

summer 2021 weight loss and 33lbs down πŸ‘

In May when I decided I had to lose weight it was to get ready for a pending operation under general anesthetic. As I'm on the waiting list, I could be called up at any time so I feel the pressure is on. Since 7th May (now 20th July) I'm down by 34lbs!! That's 15.4 bags of sugar!! (If 1kg bag of sugar = 2.2lbs!). Wow! I feel so much lighter and fitter already yet my weight is now actually where most people would probably be starting! 

I've used eating in a calorie deficit and exercise so far but feel I need to push myself further this week to continue at any satisfying pace. I've been watching YouTube for inspiration. Do check out LouisesJourneyxo on YouTube, she is a true inspiration and has lots of helpful advice and encouragement. See below for her MyFitnessPal advice.




                       ***********************************************************

I've also been completing HIIT workouts at home 3 times a week using Joe Wicks' YouTube tutorials. When I started I could barely keep up with the low impact version of the HIIT workout below - Train with India. Now I can actually complete 8/10 of the harder options and I'm usually still going with the exercises when the timer has stopped for that rep!! That's only taken about 5 weeks. 





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I've continued with the weekly beach bootcamp πŸ‘ I prefer to do the exercises on the sand to the pebbles but its all done my fitness the world of good. Again I could hardly keep up when I started but now can complete most of what is presented, even if sometimes I don't manage all of a 3rd reps or have to take an easier version for some exercises. The body weight reps are exhausting! I'm proud to say I can now hold my planks for x3 30 second reps and I can almost lift a side plank for more than 2 cm off the ground 🀣

My body fat is now approximately 57% , unfortunately I didn't calculate it at the start. I calculated my current body fat using my neck, hip and waist measurements using the U.S Navy Method. Calculator.net indicates that an ideal body fat for my age = 22.9%. 

This week I've reactivated MyFitnessPal app to track my calories next week. Payday treat this month will hopefully mean some Fitbit Aria Air Scales and some new kitchen scales so that I can accurately calculate my daily calories - whatever works right....? 
Let's hope for another good week next week 🀞 

Monday, 19 July 2021

Wet suits and getting somewhere... maybe? BMI success!! June 2021

17.7lbs down and this weekend saw me fitting into a wetsuit for a water assault course! I never ever thought that either of those things would be happening. I was so worried I had phoned the Aqua Park beforehand to check they'd have a wetsuit that I'd fit in. I gave my height + weight and they seemed pretty confident that it wouldn't be a problem at all and assured me it would fine. Actually when I was there I didn't need anything other than what was already there on the wetsuit hooks. The buoyancy aid however they did find a 'bigger' one for me but to be honest it was way too big for me and when I was swimming it rode up to my ears. I would have been fine with the original one they'd given me, they just don't make buoyancy vests for women with big boobs. They just don't! When I started this blog I described myself as a mum of two babies. They aren't babies anymore and I really don't want to be the can't do mum. When my daughter is saying I should go on the slide I knew I had to do it. Climbing was so difficult under the weight of the equipment and under my own body weight. I had to pull 286 lbs up a very high inflatable climbing frame with rungs so far apart I could hardly lift my leg that heigh - I got to the top (eventually) and then at the top of the very high tower I  had to muster enough courage to go down the slide, and I did. After alot of swimming and effort I completed my hour aqua assault course and all the kids had a fabulous time, which was of course the main purpose of going there in the first place


I have 90lbs still to go! I don't know why I set myself such an ambitious goal... Well I do; Its the weight I was some time ago and I'm an unapologetic perfectionist so crazy end goals do in fact motivate me. 

Second week into my HITT boot camp and typically I've been invited to a job interview just at my boot camp time! Well, old me would have just missed a week, new me has found a pay-as-go session on a different morning, which I'm just going to fit in! I've got to. If I need to be losing 1-2lbs a week then I need to be doing something to a) counteract all sitting down for virtual / laptop working that I do during a working day b) burn all these lbs off! So a £5 HITT at the rec on Thursday morning is booked! 

BMI
Last month I had a bit of a difficult conversation with a consultant. I'm on the waiting list for wisdom tooth extraction under General anesthetic. He asked door my BMI and I did know what it was because I had worked it out for my work covid risk assessment. My BMI on 7th May was ...... 45.6. He politely said the anesthetist would probably phone me in a panic but not to worry and that everything would be fine. I don't know what came over me, probably because I work for the NHS and wanted to say "I'm not fat because I'm stupid and it's all gone a bit wrong", I suddenly tried to explain to him that all the virtual/ laptop working had meant I sat for long hours with little exercise and I'd completed a weight management course and seen a helath coach, oh my goodness, why, oh why was I explaining myself. I think I was just embarrassed. Since that appointment last month I have been so focused on my weightless goal. I dont want to die on an operating table because of my weight. Today my BMI is down to 42.7 (remember it needs to be below 30). 

I inadvertently set myself a stretch goal last week to start liking myself in photos again. I took the wetsuit pic, was brave and uploaded to facebook! Very, very unlike me. I'm just going to keep taking photos until I'm ok with it. I'm realising that these goals that I'm making are made for me to smash down hard. Last week flew past, it really did! Here's to another week of healthy eating, exercise and weight loss 🀞


Tuesday, 8 June 2021

waiting for the health coach

As I sat on the 3rd floor of the library in February 2020, waiting for my first health coach appointment I wondered if they chose the 3rd floor on purpose. Do they monitor who takes the stairs up and who takes the lift? Well it worked, I took the stairs but partly because it was baby group chucking out time and there was a substantial fight for the lift in progress already.

There's a glass office behind me, I can hear them talking in there so I certainly hope that's not where I will be going? Plus it said they weigh you in the first session..... they didnt mention in a glass box, with all to see though? 
Its 11:56 so the person before me has 4 minutes to finish otherwise that would make my first session late, surely not. I mentioned orlistat before. I've read that it ought to be taken in conjunction with health care provider- supervised reduced calories diet. Since the gp (doctor) gave me the perscription for orlistat I had at the time managed to loose just over 7lbs. So maybe I didn't need the orlistat ...? a private health coach (friend) said that there were better ways to loose weight so I didn't cash the perscription and left it at that.

Since I wrote that introduction, I've completed all my health coach sessions which through the Covid-19 lockdown was a challenge I can tell you. Sometimes I was just crying down the phone so wasn't able to access the health coaching that I had originally sought. I completed the online weight management course at the beginning of the year. This was helpful. Before the online course I hadn't heard of BLISS foods, had no idea of complex carbs and no idea of portion sizes for each food groups. Now when we cook at home there are always leftovers ready for the next day, I really was eating too much, which I had very little idea about. 

Today as I write this (June 2021) I have managed to implement and sustain significant food changes in my life over the last 5 months. I've set my goal to lose over 7 stone (107 lbs) in weight. So far I am 15lbs down and remain focused on this goal every time I eat. This feels like a huge achievement to be honest. 

I visited the gym on a free trial last week and used the treadmill & crosstrainer but in this crazy 'almost' post-covid world I'm not convinced people are cleaning equipment before and after use as they were supposed to do. For this reason I won't be signing back up to the gym right now. Looking for alternative classes I made the decision to sign up for a 7 week HITT workout boot camp, on the beach. As you can see from the photo below, its a stoney beach, which makes the running and walking parts extra tricky! But I did it! I always find committing to a specific session helps to maintain my motivation. As a baseline I wasn't 'as bad' as I thought. Turns out a year spent perfecting my planks in pilates was worth it. For example: 'Elbow plank' for count of 10 -> run across beach on stones to the marker -> repeat then rest for 20 seconds.I didn't always manage to complete the third reps of the exercises in the time but I mostly manged x1 and x2. I think signing up to these fitness challenges is the only way. I miss those days of my weekly yoga, fitness pilates and swimming but i know they will eventually return and in the meantime there are alternatives to be found.

I very rarely include photos of myself on this blog, let's face it, I avoid having my photo taken at all, but it's something I'm experimenting with. What if I carry on long enough to start to like myself in photos again...? 

Till next time, Bis bald 🦸‍♀️ 




Thursday, 18 February 2021

2021 weight gain and no followers - Lets start a January weight loss course


Since covid hit the world, well March 2020 for the UK, I have missed my routine of swimming, Pilates and Yoga. I tried YouTube Yoga for a while but it wasn't the same. With lock-down I am reduced to local walks but with working from home and home schooling, finding the time to exercise has been tricky and if I am honest has fallen by the way side. 

At one point last year (2020) covid lock-down had me at home too scared to leave the house. I ate badly and hid under a duvet some days. Christmas was sad and boring, I put on a stone in weight (6.35kg). At 21st 9.5lbs (139 kg that's 306.6lbs) I started to attend a 10 week weight loss course and I am gradually getting back to things.

I am controlling portion sizes with a portion plate: 


That's working well and I actually realise that I have been eating 3 meals at every meal. You can see the difference between this plate and my old dinner plate! Now I use this plate as a guide and measure the carbs separately as the gastric band plate doesn't have those on it. I certainly haven't cut out carbs. I've actually increased some foods - broccoli, nuts, veg and fruit generally.

Being mindful of hunger levels is something that they talk about on the weight loss course so I am trying to be careful not to get too hungry - which hasn't actually happened. I have been using a Paul McKenna - 'I can make you thin' hypnosis track every night for the last 3 weeks - and - I think it is working. 

Looking over my notes from the mindset and motivation course I have also realised that most of this was all under my nose the whole time. As I am now mid-40s it is even more important to lose this weight. My Fitbit is on and the goal is set at 14 stone which leaves another 6 stone and 13lbs to lose! I don't even know if this is possible? How can we establish exercise as part of this covid working when I am spending most of the day 'chained' to a laptop. This is such a contrast to a 'normal' working day for me and it has certainly taken some time to adjust to. The impact of next to no exercise has definitely had an effect on my weight gain. On these lockdown, chained to a laptop work days I am averaging 2000 - 3000 steps a day.

I am on week 5 of the weight loss course - since January I have lost 10.5 lbs. So something is working......     
The focus is activity this week so my Fitbit will come into its own for weekly stats. My daily goal is and has always been 10,000 steps. Today I have worked out a seafront walk is approximately 7000 steps and if I add on a park walk too - I am up to 15.000 steps. At the time of writing I am on 16,076 steps today, which my Fitbit is telling me is 7.12 miles walked today. When you focus on something it really does help.

Onward and upwards - oh and I must remember to get me some followers on this blog! 
Come on, some of my previous posts had 234 views.

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Tuesday, 28 January 2020

Food is a drug!

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/18/food-is-a-drug-and-we-have-to-learn-to-say-no

Well the photo below was taken in 2014. As you know this year I'm sporting for no lattes and no cappuccinos so it's certainly been a good while since I enjoyed the arrangement depicted below, plus Mc Donald's wont even sell you a bacon bagel any longer! 
Interesting article about the hit food can give you. Those breakfasts certainly fall into this category. A friend once told me that cheese was a drug. At the moment I tend to avoid buying it to be honest.

Last week I certainly had some success. After a whole month of pilates and no milky coffees I actually lost 3lbs. Only a start and a slow start but it is nonetheless still a start. 

I tried yoga for beginners for the first time on Saturday. It was great and I don't know why it's taken me this long to try? It was more friendly than pilates but challenging too. I like that we were told to smile during the class, that there were lavender eye bags at one point 🧘‍♀️ and the idea of activating my inner smile really has stayed with me. a) I didn't know that I even had an inner smile b) activating an inner smile and carrying it with you through the day - what an amazing philosophy. As weight loss also has to be about health and wellbeing, why not activate an inner smile ......? πŸ€— New to me.

My Fitbit stats for last week were encouraging. Because I weigh more that when I started using my Fitbit a few years ago its telling me I have gained 10lbs BUT my average steps per day are increasing. Its do hard on  working car with driving and carrying out work duties. I aim for 10,000 steps a day and interestingly if I'm off work I'm often able to do more than thd 10,000. A walk into town for example will boost the steps. 
The exercising data isn't accurate either as I managed to delete some activity which can't be retrieved and when I enter things manually I don't think it is precise.

Last week I also tried a stretch and tone class. That was a mixture of yoga, tai chi and pilates. It was excellent, challenging and exhausting. I couldn't get booked on it today so just the 10:30 pilates class for me. January at Bannatynes is crazy busy. People keep telling me it calms down by February when people ditch their new year's resolutions. Well, we can see what happens! 

Just a short entry this time round but like all these classes I'm attending; I'm here and I'm going it! πŸ‘




Friday, 17 January 2020

So if I go back to my earlier mention of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life' for a moment. Chris Powell will say to his clients 'It's not all about victories it's about falling down and getting back up'.

      

So if I go back to an earlier mention of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life' for a moment. Chris Powell will say to his clients 'It's not all about victories it's about falling down and getting back up'.

This month (January 2020) has seen me getting back up. Where has the time gone? 3 years ago I was writing this weight loss blog. Since then I've had some set backs including a car crash which put me out of action for a time and has left me suffering persistent vertigo BUT when my health club membership came up for renewal in January (2018) I realised I wasn't ready to quit it! Ok so I've put lots of the weight back on but here I go again, January 2020 - if I increase my movement and watch that I'm eating surely there's got to be results, right?

Since my last time of writing all the fitness apps have changed. I treated myself to a fitbit flex 2 which has been fantastic. I can't use the gym that much at the moment as my vertigo would make looking down at digital displays and along with quick movements would send me spinning but I've been swimming. That's my main reason for choosing a flex2 as it measures my swimming efforts. I've linked my fitbit with my Banantynes app & run keeper, which are great motivators and really do give great +ve feedback.

I suffered a back muscle spasm in Nov'19 which put me completely out of action for a month. The result being weight gain and a sideways lecture from my GP. She was very nice about it and said she didn't want to cause offense but that I ought to lose weight to prevent these things happening again. Since then I've been attending pilates classes to improve my core strength- much needed. At first the only class I could book onto was a ridiculously difficult keep fit pilates, because it always had free spaces. I hadn't realised until too late and it was a shock BUT I'm still going. Do Google fitness pilates, I am sure YouTube will have some footage of what it entails. I would have love to see video footage of and in that first class, I'd turned up ready for relaxing muscle stretches but it was side planks and all sorts of pilates madness. I go to a class once and even twice a week if my work schedule allows. It's still really, really hard and sometimes afterwards, I burst into tears in my car, but I'm still going. This week the class was full (new years resolutions and good intentions for January I think) there wasn't room for any more mats on the floor. One of the regulars told me to watch the instructor and that when it gets like this "she tries to kill people off" - he was not wrong. If was the hardest class I have ever attended, at points I had my eyes closed willing a particular hold to be over. So here I am, back again today for more pilates! Fingers crossed for a slightly more graded class today.

I was given a prescription by my GP for Orlistat but on reflection I thought I ought to try weight loss without it first. The side effects sound pretty drastic and potentially catastrophic. I'm booked to see a Health Coach in a couple of weeks so that will be interesting.

Only new years resolution has been to avoid the lattes and cappuccinos. Hidden calories. One problem has been the extra caffeine in the Americanos can be a bit much. 

Today I've turned up for my pilates class at 10:30 only to find its actually at 12:30! So porridge and chamomile tea (still avoiding the lattes) followed by a swim I guess .... oh, and writing this blog which has been dormant for some years now. Well I called this blog journey to slim and I'm very much still on that journey. Bis bald x



Sunday, 1 February 2015

January 2015 and surviving Christmas.

So I've missed my Blog these last 3 months. Maternity leave has finished and I'm back to work which is why it's now suddenly a lot of juggling and for lots of the time I am absolutely exhausted. For 2014 I managed to lose just over 51lbs and happily, the good news is I was able to maintain my weight-loss too.

Surviving Christmas was a conscious effort not to overeat and although I did have treats that I wouldn't normally have I did try to balance things. I had my annual bottle of Baileys but I certainly didn't want to gain the lbs as I had done over Christmas last year. I very much enjoyed eating some delicious home made Christmas fruit cake and plenty of lebkuchen which are amazing German biscuits similar to but not really like gingerbread.

For a treat I even ventured out to a Beefeater for lunch where they served the coleslaw in reusable plastic pots with lids which I don't necessarily agree with:

When I weighed myself after Christmas I'd gained 2lbs. So I consider that to be a small success to be honest. I think planning ahead by doing my weekly shopping online helped a great deal and stopped any impulse purchases. Not buying chocolate or too many snacks was a definite advantage. This brings me up to date and this week I have been dancing (in the comfort of my own home) and still allowing myself small 'treats' I tried my first ever macchiato. I didn't even realise what it was when I ordered but it was delicious however I'll be strictly back to my Americano with milk from now on.

In order to gain some motivation for the task ahead I have been watching episodes of 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life'. These people are starting at 445lbs and 456lbs. Their stories are inspirational. In the first 3 month phase they are set the goal by Chris Powell to lose 100lbs and at the end of the 365 days they manage to lose 200lbs! It's amazing, the transformation that these people achieve in one year. Last year with much determination I lost a total of 51lbs. My personal goal weight means I have to lose 70lbs this year, that's 5 stone that needs to go!

I made a decision to not make New Year's resolutions this year. In the past my resolutions have been mostly weight related. Reading old journals it seems every year I would set a weight loss goal but actually I would be weighing more than I had done the previous year so it always felt quite hopeless. This year I am more positive, indeed hopeful rather than hopeless. It is also worth noting (I think) that my weight loss last year was near on twice the amount that I have lost in the past when I have been attending a slimming club. 

Although I haven't set resolutions I think the New Year does lead to some reflection of things you ought to be doing, including how much exercise is going on. Ultimately I tell myself eat less and move more as much as possible. It's the moving more that I know I'm going to have to increase. So when I'm lucky enough to take a lunch break, which isn't very often, I'll take a walk to buy a sandwich instead of driving there. Actually after doing this four or five times I managed to halve my time getting there and back and I felt so much better for it. 
All this talk of exercise leads me nicely onto something which I tried for the first time this week, Just Dance 2014 on the Wii U and I absolutely loved it. I have been thinking about a workout and trying to work out how I can successfully add exercise into my daily routine. I like swimming but don't really have the option of getting there as regularly as I need to. I used to play badminton and if I manage to play a game or two this year I'll be very happy BUT with something like a dance game that's at home there's no travel time, no extra cost and technically I can do that most evenings. It does have a great 'sweat' mode to set 10-40 minute workouts so I'll definitely be giving that a go. Now I've put that on here I'll have to do it. It was great fun, I moved the lounge floor mat around the room I was dancing all over the place so much and it has been a while since I've felt the benefit of endorphins. It really lifted my mood.

Now that does feel like there is a plan. Some exercise organised and at the beginning of the year I'm on track to stay on track. I'm rushing to my own deadline to get this written in January as I do plan to keep to my monthly Blog instalments, well that's my intention. Of course this year is also an extra special year for me. I think I've mentioned before that a weight loss motivation for me is that I don't want to be Fat and Forty and I am hoping that with hard work I really wont have to be.

I've been saving the following link for some time and I'm sharing as now feels as good a time as any, plus it also links to a final story from my adventures to slim. Recently as I was packing things away at the end of a party I was merrily waving goodbye to people across a large sports hall. The distance between me and them at the exit was quite some way so I did put some effort in to making my wave as friendly and visible as possible. With some horror, mid-wave I realised that I had a Bingo wing waving independently to my waving hand. This has never happened before, maybe losing some weight makes it more obvious to me but I suddenly became very aware of my wobbly wings, flapping along to my wave, how embarrassing. So with pleasure, I share with you, a 10 minute Bingo Wing Blaster which I seriously need to be implementing! 
Bis Bald x

Click here for a bingo-wings-blaster



Sunday, 28 September 2014

FAT ATTITUDE and postpartum flab!

It's ALL about attitude. Whatever the motivation is to lose the weight, it is also all about the attitude; the attitude towards yourself and the food around you.

I realise I had a bit of attitude in my last Blog. I was angry and I'm sorry if that resulted in me being a litttle too harsh on the Fats; this Blog is supposed to be about keeping positive so I will endevour to move onward and upward. I absolutely love writing this Blog. I am realising the importance of a positive attitude not only in life but to weight loss. The affirmations that Steve M encourages are so helpful, 'keep on it', 'feeling inspired' and 'feeling motivated' that is why I include them in my Blog. I am reflecting on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling and affirming with a positive statement. Surprisingly this takes some effort and thought from me. Being positive doesn't come naturally or even easily to all of us.

I've found during my 'FAT life' that other people have given out the 'attitude' to me as a judgement of my fatness. In some ways I could thank these people but I wont because at the time it was often, inappropriately, when I was particularly vulnerable and even in their care, so I'll just observe their prejudices for now and learn from it. No doubt I'll return to this in a minute. Yes its the sad truth that generally people do not respect a FAT one.

It might even be saying hello to another mum at nursery. One mum just completely shut down my attempts to talk to her which at the time did make me question whether it was because I was fat? What impression was I giving? And anyway, who wants a FAT mum anyway...?

In this bbc article they discuss fat prejudice which is very interesting but it is actually the comments that follow that are the most thought provoking. Do take a look at this BBC link. Some people are full of excuses and others seem genuinely angry that Fat people exist.

During pregnancy there was one particular ultrasound sonographer who made it his mission to complain about my fatness and was incredibly rough. Following a scan from him I would actually be in discomfort the next day. I remember reading about sonographers getting RSI from having to press down harder on FAT pregnant women to get a scan. Unfortunately I can't find the article to add a link for it but an Internet search certainly brings up lots of research papers on the subject. Every written report they wrote would start with 'difficulty due to raised BMI', 'reduced visibility due to increased BMI'. It used to drive me mad but now I can see it more from their point of view. Being FAT is no fun and being FAT & pregnant is certainly no joke.

My pregnancy (when FAT) photo gallery:

During the birth of my second baby the midwife acted like she hated me. It was the birth from hell but what really didn't help me was that this midwife made an initial judgement about me based on my size (how I looked) and it influenced her entire approach. That midwife was contemptuous and vindictive and certainly not the person I needed around me in that situation, indeed her treatment of me upsets me to this day.

I recently watched a programme about medieval birth. It fascinated me that they took woman off to dark rooms creating a cocoon of safety and sanctuary. Such a stark contrast to the strip lit bare torture chambers of today. I do jest a little but strip lights, constant interruptions and beeping machinery are very far removed from anything that creates any feelings of safety or indeed sanctuary. 

If you're overweight and pregnant the medical profession are obsessed with gestational diabetes. I was sent for GTT tests on a regular basis and rightly so if necessary but people could not believe I could be that over weight & pregnant and not be diabetic. They tried to send me for GTTs less than a week apart on one occasion and I had to get my consultant and community midwife to intervene. I of course didn't need two GTTs within such a short space of time but the registrar just couldn't believe that the results were all clear even though I had no symptoms! 

I had the same thing as an overweight vegan. My GP at the time took one look at my fatness and suggested he take my blood pressure for a quick random check. Surprise, surprise my blood pressure was spot on. Mostly I owe this to the years of drinking soya milk and eating tofu. I did read that it can be common to put on weight when following a vegan diet if you don't quite get the nutritional balance correct. I did put on a lot of weight as a vegan but I'm sure lifestyle is also to blame. I count myself lucky that my blood pressure has always been fine BUT carry on being obese & overweight and this might not continue. After all in my early Blogs I identified that health jeopardy is a motivation for me to lose the weight. This is a serious matter after all. 
In an article which I do have the link for, Kim Brooks writes about weight struggles and pregnancy. I particularly like her humour. I didn't quiet relate to the cashier at the drive thru knowing my name but I do recall driving to work one morning, racked with guilt at being pregnant and so indirectly giving the baby a drive thru, fast food breakfast! Check out the Kim Brooks article: I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I hate it.

Where I am now, is at the getting rid of the postpartum flab part. Unlike what is recommended I did not lose all the baby weight following my first child to be ready for my next pregnancies. This 'Healthy weight loss after pregnancy' article suggests that; "As long as you feel healthy and ready, as a rough guide, you should aim to return your pre-pregnancy weight by the time your baby is about six months old. If you're finding it takes longer than this, don't give yourself a hard time. Just set yourself a target of getting to the weight you want by your baby’s first birthday" (babycentre healthy-weight-loss-after-birth suggestions). For me to get to the weight that I want by my baby's first birthday, well that gives me one month to melt another 5 stone! I guess because I was just so overweight before my pregnancies I do have further to go than most? I have actually lost all of the baby weight, now weighing less than I did four years ago, less than at my wedding but (and the big butt) there is plenty of room for improvement. 

This is me now: September 2014


Wow, I do seem to be all guns blazing for this Blog episode, don't I ?!? Drawing on all my unique selling points. I've been working hard in past months to find them, to find my writing voice but it is me. I am keeping it real. This is not just a weight loss Blog. My Blog comes not only from my motivation to lose weight but also it's a personal account and commentary, my post pregnancy Blog. So to finish 'Take that Bembridge Schollars' :) 










Monday, 1 September 2014

Being anti-fat, shopping for others and French Fancies.

Apologies for the absence in Blog over the last few weeks. Illness and juggling childcare, builders, selling houses and life all got a bit crazy for a while. That doesn't mean the absence of my heartfelt Blog means you have to rip me off and go out and write one that's almost identical to mine. No it does not. I was drafting away like a demon, don't you worry. So without further a do, **** the haters, and on I go, after all isn't the aim of this Blog to keep positive.  

One of the things that Steve M encourages is the observation of the fat habits of other people as a route to becoming anti-fat. Observe those fat habits to move away from a fat life. So in preparation for writing this Blog I have been extra vigilant and taking careful note of what I've been seeing.

More often than not a FAT can be standing smoking at a bus stop waiting for a bus or when they are walking along the road they are stuffing a big pastry. I saw one using a wheelie pusher to get herself into the doctors. In town you can watch FATs driving on their mobility scooters and stopping only to jump off and run into a fish and chip shop. You might think this harsh but I'm just saying what I've been seeing.

This technique is brilliant for changing mindset. Although the idea is to observe the fat habits Not to make judgments about the person, I've actually found myself being repulsed by people's fat. It's everywhere. Big wobbly bottoms. Big fat legs. In a similar way to when you're trying to get pregnant everyone around you seems to be pregnant because you're suddenly more aware and looking out for it. When you're fat and programming your mind to use your own fat to motivate you to get rid of it, you suddenly notice all the Fat around you.

This all brings to mind something I heard years ago about a very fat man sitting on a hot commuter train, sweating. He was on the phone having a very loud conversation with someone, telling them and the whole train carriage "The sweat is pouring out of me!" .....Lovely!!!! This is him, I've used a sombrero to provide anonymity but I wonder if he is still fat? How did he get on this summer?

That tale leads me to another point which I added to this draft in July before the sad loss of Robin Williams, something about which I am truly sad. I have kept the paragraph in as I honestly couldn't bring myself to delete it.

In hot weather, when I was very very fat I used to feel like I was wearing a Mrs Doubtfire fat suit! Very uncomfortable. There's a scene in that movie when Robin Williams is trying to get dressed into his big fat suit for his Mrs Doubtfire disguise and he is really struggling. That's what it's like just trying to get dressed and moving around on a hot day when you've got extra fat weighing you down.

Returning to the topic of observing fat habits another thing that I've noticed is that Fat people so frequently use a big trolley at the supermarket and fill the whole thing. Have you heard of shopping for others? It's absolutely hilarious, to watch, I haven't done it personally but think its a fabulous idea. I could only find an American video of it, which isn't the best but do take a look. The reason why this came to mind is that someone mentioned to me that a new twisted version of shopping for others could be invented - a fat peoples' version. Instead of random items, unhealthy items in a Fat trolley could be replaced with healthy ones! I really do have to laugh out loud at the thought of people discovering a green lettuce or bag of fruit in amongst their junk shop. Recently I heard of one fatty who was riding round a supermarket on a mobility scooter filling the basket with flake deserts. Not just some flake deserts but an entire cardboard tray of them! So this isn't the best example but you'll get the idea: ENJOY 
French Fancies:
As this is basically a Blog / Commentary of following Steve Miller's advice I would also like to mention a small triumph over some French Fancies. I find Steve's Facebook updates incredibly helpful, to the point where he is talking to me in my head some of the time. He had some great advice this week for times when you find yourself eating too much impulsively, suggesting that the need to become more conscious of your actions. I think most of the time the trick is me remembering this when I'm in the moment of reaching for something that's not going to be helpful to weight loss. So I was super chuffed when I actually remembered and used his 5 steps to not open the French Fancies.

The steps involve noticing what you're about to do and removing yourself from the situation. Having a conversation with yourself, telling yourself you're back in control and doing something different. The bit I like best is that after 10 minutes you congratulate yourself. 'Smile and affirm your success'. 

Do check out Steve's Facebook page: Steve Miller Mindset and Motivation. Or his website 

I find Steve's positive motivational techniques so helpful. Don't get me wrong I'm not putting him on a pedestal or anything. In fact when I met him I didn't really like him and did not get off to a good start. He reminded me of school teachers I'd had, making judgments about me because I'm quiet and don't ask constant questions, maybe I just didn't like what he said, I don't know. But, since then I've found him a positive source of support, be it through his posts on Facebook, his email support or just the fact that I know that he accepts no excuses, moans or negativity which in turn stops me from dwelling on those things.

So almost at the end of this episode. I've been working hard to add translators and hit counters to this Blog, you can even subscribe to my Blog by e-mail so you'll know when I next manage to post. Thank you so much for reading :) 

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Catching up, the straight and narrow & Vegan travels.

This week I've lost a couple of lbs but I am still playing catch up from the last week's shameful gain. However, for the first time in many years I'm in the 17s. I have been following Steve M's 80:20 rule. Which is really about eating healthy stuff for 80% of the time and allowing 20% for junk/ what I fancy eating. He has even suggested that giving up the junk completely is dangerous. Making the healthy choices is a little challenging but generally viewing things in this simple way is very useful. Following the 80:20 rule is being in control of food. I think last week I got the percentages round the wrong way and there is no hiding from that when it happens.

I like the idea of having this sensible outlook on food. I have tried diet clubs in the past and although I lost the weight would always put on what I'd lost and more in the end. There is clearly something wrong with the 'diet' model. When I say that I've tried diet clubs that is a bit of an understatement. I think I joined one well known diet club four or five times. Each time I'd go to a new location and of course each time I'd weigh more than I had the previous time! The people running the groups varied enormously in their ability to motivate me through the week or even to hold my attention for the meetings. Helpful recipes for 'ok' courgette cake are all well and good but at the end of the day I wouldn't usually make a courgette cake so it ends up being a gimmick. There is always a sense of relief when these diet clubs finish or usually my interest and motivation dwindles after months of calorie counting, food logging and effort. The truth is that having lost over 3 stone now it doesnt feel as if it's been that much 'effort' more just discipline and choice. So, far better in my opinion to stick to a positive mindset and sensible eating as a way of life rather than starting a diet enthused only to fail a couple of months later.  

The straight and narrow for me is lots of soup, salad and portion control microwave meals. Any soup is great. Cuppa soup, tinned soup or home made soup. If I feel I've eaten a bit too much in the day or over the week then soup can often tip things in my favour for weigh in. 

I heard this week that someone who I haven't seen in a long time has managed to lose 6 stone. I said in my last blog that I didn't find other people's weight loss stories helpful but I did find this news inspiring. I feel genuinely happy for her as this is a huge achievement. I heard that eating lots of leaves (salad) was involved which isn't a bad thing. I often have to balance my dinners with salad. Half a plate of 'food' to half salad. 


Salad: I have always found salad hard work. I don't really like the typical 'salad' so I really try to make salad interesting. I was vegan for 9 years so I do consider myself something of an expert on salads, especially when ordering them out. As a vegan, more often than not, the only vegan option on a menu would be salad (no dressing) and chips. My own choice of course to be a vegan but that didn't make it any easier to order a meal and then the feeling of disappointment and annoyance when presented with some limp, dull lettuce leaves, a couple of slices of tomato and red onion if I was lucky! The UK (in my experience) has a particularly poor salad imagination. I've been pleasantly surprised during more adventurous travels at the effort some chefs have put into making a vegan salad. 

Whilst staying at the Holiday Inn in Helsinki, (Finland) I made my usual order of side salad and chips. The most amazing salad with sculpted cucumber arrived. It was delicious and a delight to eat. It was most unexpected and welcome.


On a Nile cruise I was taken aback by the effort and consideration that they went to every day to ensure we had a good vegan dinner. They even brought the bag of pasta to our table for us to check that the  ingredients were ok. Every night they would prepare something wonderful for us. Our food was always different to everyone else and their care was very much appreciated. One night there was an Egyptian buffet for the evening meal and there was no need for us to have a special meal prepared, it was pretty much all vegan kosher.  Beautiful salads with orange and beet root, houmous... It was wonderful to my vegan palate and while other people were a bit wary of the 'new' food we tucked right in. Fresh and delicious. 


One of my favourite salads to order out now that I am no longer vegan, is the Salad NiΓ§oise. This was all good until I went to Italy and had the most incredible (authentic) Salad NiΓ§oise at Gusto Leo in Florence. In case you don't know this salad has tomatoes, tuna, hard-boiled eggs, olives, anchovies and usually capers too. Delicious! As with anything, once you've had the real thing anything substandard will be a disappointment and I would say that when it comes to salads I'm particularly hard to please in restaurants. 


During a road trip across America (by which time I had downgraded from Vegan to Vegetarian) I found salad items hard to acquire as I travelled up from the South. The best I could do in one supermarket was some onions in a fridge but by the time I'd reached California the fresh salad produce was amazing.

That's not to say the UK supermarkets don't make an effort! Morrisons dry ice salad counter for example, although it looks as though not everyone was impressed with the Yorkshire Post reporting that "The head of Morrisons has denied allegations that ... critics have said core customers don't want gimmicks such as vegetables swathed in dry ice or exotic produce ...". Well I quite enjoyed the dry ice. I thought it was exciting. 

I observed that Americans are far more assertive ordering food and won't put up with anything wrong. Sitting at dinner in San Francisco we overheard two men discussing the salad they'd been served. On receiving their food they exclaimed loudly (pretty much to the whole restaurant) "this isn't ranch!!! this is more like blue cheese!". We had to laugh at their outrage over a salad dressing but on the other hand, why not!? It wasn't what they'd been expecting from the salads and that was the end of the story.

Because of these wonderful experiences around the world it really does show people up when they serve up a no thought salad and charge a small fortune for the privilege. So as the summer temperatures reach a high in the UK this week, here's to some tasty, colourful and thoughtful salads :) and no excuses from any establishments I might dine in, this week I'll be expecting nothing but the best!