FAT ATTITUDE and postpartum flab!

It's ALL about attitude. Whatever the motivation is to lose the weight, it is also all about the attitude; the attitude towards yourself and the food around you.

I realise I had a bit of attitude in my last Blog. I was angry and I'm sorry if that resulted in me being a litttle too harsh on the Fats; this Blog is supposed to be about keeping positive so I will endevour to move onward and upward. I absolutely love writing this Blog. I am realising the importance of a positive attitude not only in life but to weight loss. The affirmations that Steve M encourages are so helpful, 'keep on it', 'feeling inspired' and 'feeling motivated' that is why I include them in my Blog. I am reflecting on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling and affirming with a positive statement. Surprisingly this takes some effort and thought from me. Being positive doesn't come naturally or even easily to all of us.

I've found during my 'FAT life' that other people have given out the 'attitude' to me as a judgement of my fatness. In some ways I could thank these people but I wont because at the time it was often, inappropriately, when I was particularly vulnerable and even in their care, so I'll just observe their prejudices for now and learn from it. No doubt I'll return to this in a minute. Yes its the sad truth that generally people do not respect a FAT one.

It might even be saying hello to another mum at nursery. One mum just completely shut down my attempts to talk to her which at the time did make me question whether it was because I was fat? What impression was I giving? And anyway, who wants a FAT mum anyway...?

In this bbc article they discuss fat prejudice which is very interesting but it is actually the comments that follow that are the most thought provoking. Do take a look at this BBC link. Some people are full of excuses and others seem genuinely angry that Fat people exist.

During pregnancy there was one particular ultrasound sonographer who made it his mission to complain about my fatness and was incredibly rough. Following a scan from him I would actually be in discomfort the next day. I remember reading about sonographers getting RSI from having to press down harder on FAT pregnant women to get a scan. Unfortunately I can't find the article to add a link for it but an Internet search certainly brings up lots of research papers on the subject. Every written report they wrote would start with 'difficulty due to raised BMI', 'reduced visibility due to increased BMI'. It used to drive me mad but now I can see it more from their point of view. Being FAT is no fun and being FAT & pregnant is certainly no joke.

My pregnancy (when FAT) photo gallery:

During the birth of my second baby the midwife acted like she hated me. It was the birth from hell but what really didn't help me was that this midwife made an initial judgement about me based on my size (how I looked) and it influenced her entire approach. That midwife was contemptuous and vindictive and certainly not the person I needed around me in that situation, indeed her treatment of me upsets me to this day.

I recently watched a programme about medieval birth. It fascinated me that they took woman off to dark rooms creating a cocoon of safety and sanctuary. Such a stark contrast to the strip lit bare torture chambers of today. I do jest a little but strip lights, constant interruptions and beeping machinery are very far removed from anything that creates any feelings of safety or indeed sanctuary. 

If you're overweight and pregnant the medical profession are obsessed with gestational diabetes. I was sent for GTT tests on a regular basis and rightly so if necessary but people could not believe I could be that over weight & pregnant and not be diabetic. They tried to send me for GTTs less than a week apart on one occasion and I had to get my consultant and community midwife to intervene. I of course didn't need two GTTs within such a short space of time but the registrar just couldn't believe that the results were all clear even though I had no symptoms! 

I had the same thing as an overweight vegan. My GP at the time took one look at my fatness and suggested he take my blood pressure for a quick random check. Surprise, surprise my blood pressure was spot on. Mostly I owe this to the years of drinking soya milk and eating tofu. I did read that it can be common to put on weight when following a vegan diet if you don't quite get the nutritional balance correct. I did put on a lot of weight as a vegan but I'm sure lifestyle is also to blame. I count myself lucky that my blood pressure has always been fine BUT carry on being obese & overweight and this might not continue. After all in my early Blogs I identified that health jeopardy is a motivation for me to lose the weight. This is a serious matter after all. 

In an article which I do have the link for, Kim Brooks writes about weight struggles and pregnancy. I particularly like her humour. I didn't quiet relate to the cashier at the drive thru knowing my name but I do recall driving to work one morning, racked with guilt at being pregnant and so indirectly giving the baby a drive thru, fast food breakfast! Check out the Kim Brooks article: I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I hate it.

Where I am now, is at the getting rid of the postpartum flab part. Unlike what is recommended I did not lose all the baby weight following my first child to be ready for my next pregnancies. This 'Healthy weight loss after pregnancy' article suggests that; "As long as you feel healthy and ready, as a rough guide, you should aim to return your pre-pregnancy weight by the time your baby is about six months old. If you're finding it takes longer than this, don't give yourself a hard time. Just set yourself a target of getting to the weight you want by your baby’s first birthday" (babycentre healthy-weight-loss-after-birth suggestions). For me to get to the weight that I want by my baby's first birthday, well that gives me one month to melt another 5 stone! I guess because I was just so overweight before my pregnancies I do have further to go than most? I have actually lost all of the baby weight, now weighing less than I did four years ago, less than at my wedding but (and the big butt) there is plenty of room for improvement. 

This is me now: September 2014

Wow, I do seem to be all guns blazing for this Blog episode, don't I ?!? Drawing on all my unique selling points. I've been working hard in past months to find them, to find my writing voice but it is me. I am keeping it real. This is not just a weight loss Blog. My Blog comes not only from my motivation to lose weight but also it's a personal account and commentary, my post pregnancy Blog. So to finish 'Take that Bembridge Schollars' :) 

Being anti-fat, shopping for others and French Fancies.

Apologies for the absence in Blog over the last few weeks. Illness and juggling childcare, builders, selling houses and life all got a bit crazy for a while. That doesn't mean the absence of my heartfelt Blog means you have to rip me off and go out and write one that's almost identical to mine. No it does not. I was drafting away like a demon, don't you worry. So without further a do, **** the haters, and on I go, after all isn't the aim of this Blog to keep positive.  

One of the things that Steve M encourages is the observation of the fat habits of other people as a route to becoming anti-fat. Observe those fat habits to move away from a fat life. So in preparation for writing this Blog I have been extra vigilant and taking careful note of what I've been seeing.

More often than not a FAT can be standing smoking at a bus stop waiting for a bus or when they are walking along the road they are stuffing a big pastry. I saw one using a wheelie pusher to get herself into the doctors. In town you can watch FATs driving on their mobility scooters and stopping only to jump off and run into a fish and chip shop. You might think this harsh but I'm just saying what I've been seeing.

This technique is brilliant for changing mindset. Although the idea is to observe the fat habits Not to make judgments about the person, I've actually found myself being repulsed by people's fat. It's everywhere. Big wobbly bottoms. Big fat legs. In a similar way to when you're trying to get pregnant everyone around you seems to be pregnant because you're suddenly more aware and looking out for it. When you're fat and programming your mind to use your own fat to motivate you to get rid of it, you suddenly notice all the Fat around you.

This all brings to mind something I heard years ago about a very fat man sitting on a hot commuter train, sweating. He was on the phone having a very loud conversation with someone, telling them and the whole train carriage "The sweat is pouring out of me!" .....Lovely!!!! This is him, I've used a sombrero to provide anonymity but I wonder if he is still fat? How did he get on this summer?

That tale leads me to another point which I added to this draft in July before the sad loss of Robin Williams, something about which I am truly sad. I have kept the paragraph in as I honestly couldn't bring myself to delete it.

In hot weather, when I was very very fat I used to feel like I was wearing a Mrs Doubtfire fat suit! Very uncomfortable. There's a scene in that movie when Robin Williams is trying to get dressed into his big fat suit for his Mrs Doubtfire disguise and he is really struggling. That's what it's like just trying to get dressed and moving around on a hot day when you've got extra fat weighing you down.

Returning to the topic of observing fat habits another thing that I've noticed is that Fat people so frequently use a big trolley at the supermarket and fill the whole thing. Have you heard of shopping for others? It's absolutely hilarious, to watch, I haven't done it personally but think its a fabulous idea. I could only find an American video of it, which isn't the best but do take a look. The reason why this came to mind is that someone mentioned to me that a new twisted version of shopping for others could be invented - a fat peoples' version. Instead of random items, unhealthy items in a Fat trolley could be replaced with healthy ones! I really do have to laugh out loud at the thought of people discovering a green lettuce or bag of fruit in amongst their junk shop. Recently I heard of one fatty who was riding round a supermarket on a mobility scooter filling the basket with flake deserts. Not just some flake deserts but an entire cardboard tray of them! So this isn't the best example but you'll get the idea: ENJOY 

youtube shopping for others

French Fancies:

As this is basically a Blog / Commentary of following Steve Miller's advice I would also like to mention a small triumph over some French Fancies. I find Steve's Facebook updates incredibly helpful, to the point where he is talking to me in my head some of the time. He had some great advice this week for times when you find yourself eating too much impulsively, suggesting that the need to become more conscious of your actions. I think most of the time the trick is me remembering this when I'm in the moment of reaching for something that's not going to be helpful to weight loss. So I was super chuffed when I actually remembered and used his 5 steps to not open the French Fancies.

The steps involve noticing what you're about to do and removing yourself from the situation. Having a conversation with yourself, telling yourself you're back in control and doing something different. The bit I like best is that after 10 minutes you congratulate yourself. 'Smile and affirm your success'. 

Do check out Steve's Facebook page: Steve Miller Mindset and Motivation. Or his website 

www.stevemillerhypnotherapy.co.uk

I find Steve's positive motivational techniques so helpful. Don't get me wrong I'm not putting him on a pedestal or anything. In fact when I met him I didn't really like him and did not get off to a good start. He reminded me of school teachers I'd had, making judgments about me because I'm quiet and don't ask constant questions, maybe I just didn't like what he said, I don't know. But, since then I've found him a positive source of support, be it through his posts on Facebook, his email support or just the fact that I know that he accepts no excuses, moans or negativity which in turn stops me from dwelling on those things.

So almost at the end of this episode. I've been working hard to add translators and hit counters to this Blog, you can even subscribe to my Blog by e-mail so you'll know when I next manage to post. Thank you so much for reading :) 

Catching up, the straight and narrow & Vegan travels.

This week I've lost a couple of lbs but I am still playing catch up from the last week's shameful gain. However, for the first time in many years I'm in the 17s. I have been following Steve M's 80:20 rule. Which is really about eating healthy stuff for 80% of the time and allowing 20% for junk/ what I fancy eating. He has even suggested that giving up the junk completely is dangerous. Making the healthy choices is a little challenging but generally viewing things in this simple way is very useful. Following the 80:20 rule is being in control of food. I think last week I got the percentages round the wrong way and there is no hiding from that when it happens.

I like the idea of having this sensible outlook on food. I have tried diet clubs in the past and although I lost the weight would always put on what I'd lost and more in the end. There is clearly something wrong with the 'diet' model. When I say that I've tried diet clubs that is a bit of an understatement. I think I joined one well known diet club four or five times. Each time I'd go to a new location and of course each time I'd weigh more than I had the previous time! The people running the groups varied enormously in their ability to motivate me through the week or even to hold my attention for the meetings. Helpful recipes for 'ok' courgette cake are all well and good but at the end of the day I wouldn't usually make a courgette cake so it ends up being a gimmick. There is always a sense of relief when these diet clubs finish or usually my interest and motivation dwindles after months of calorie counting, food logging and effort. The truth is that having lost over 3 stone now it doesnt feel as if it's been that much 'effort' more just discipline and choice. So, far better in my opinion to stick to a positive mindset and sensible eating as a way of life rather than starting a diet enthused only to fail a couple of months later.  

The straight and narrow for me is lots of soup, salad and portion control microwave meals. Any soup is great. Cuppa soup, tinned soup or home made soup. If I feel I've eaten a bit too much in the day or over the week then soup can often tip things in my favour for weigh in. 

I heard this week that someone who I haven't seen in a long time has managed to lose 6 stone. I said in my last blog that I didn't find other people's weight loss stories helpful but I did find this news inspiring. I feel genuinely happy for her as this is a huge achievement. I heard that eating lots of leaves (salad) was involved which isn't a bad thing. I often have to balance my dinners with salad. Half a plate of 'food' to half salad. 

Salad: I have always found salad hard work. I don't really like the typical 'salad' so I really try to make salad interesting. I was vegan for 9 years so I do consider myself something of an expert on salads, especially when ordering them out. As a vegan, more often than not, the only vegan option on a menu would be salad (no dressing) and chips. My own choice of course to be a vegan but that didn't make it any easier to order a meal and then the feeling of disappointment and annoyance when presented with some limp, dull lettuce leaves, a couple of slices of tomato and red onion if I was lucky! The UK (in my experience) has a particularly poor salad imagination. I've been pleasantly surprised during more adventurous travels at the effort some chefs have put into making a vegan salad. 

Whilst staying at the Holiday Inn in Helsinki, (Finland) I made my usual order of side salad and chips. The most amazing salad with sculpted cucumber arrived. It was delicious and a delight to eat. It was most unexpected and welcome.

On a Nile cruise I was taken aback by the effort and consideration that they went to every day to ensure we had a good vegan dinner. They even brought the bag of pasta to our table for us to check that the  ingredients were ok. Every night they would prepare something wonderful for us. Our food was always different to everyone else and their care was very much appreciated. One night there was an Egyptian buffet for the evening meal and there was no need for us to have a special meal prepared, it was pretty much all vegan kosher.  Beautiful salads with orange and beet root, houmous... It was wonderful to my vegan palate and while other people were a bit wary of the 'new' food we tucked right in. Fresh and delicious. 

One of my favourite salads to order out now that I am no longer vegan, is the Salad Niçoise. This was all good until I went to Italy and had the most incredible (authentic) Salad Niçoise at Gusto Leo in Florence. In case you don't know this salad has tomatoes, tuna, hard-boiled eggs, olives, anchovies and usually capers too. Delicious! As with anything, once you've had the real thing anything substandard will be a disappointment and I would say that when it comes to salads I'm particularly hard to please in restaurants. 

During a road trip across America (by which time I had downgraded from Vegan to Vegetarian) I found salad items hard to acquire as I travelled up from the South. The best I could do in one supermarket was some onions in a fridge but by the time I'd reached California the fresh salad produce was amazing.

That's not to say the UK supermarkets don't make an effort! Morrisons dry ice salad counter for example, although it looks as though not everyone was impressed with the Yorkshire Post reporting that "The head of Morrisons has denied allegations that ... critics have said core customers don't want gimmicks such as vegetables swathed in dry ice or exotic produce ...". Well I quite enjoyed the dry ice. I thought it was exciting. 

I observed that Americans are far more assertive ordering food and won't put up with anything wrong. Sitting at dinner in San Francisco we overheard two men discussing the salad they'd been served. On receiving their food they exclaimed loudly (pretty much to the whole restaurant) "this isn't ranch!!! this is more like blue cheese!". We had to laugh at their outrage over a salad dressing but on the other hand, why not!? It wasn't what they'd been expecting from the salads and that was the end of the story.

Because of these wonderful experiences around the world it really does show people up when they serve up a no thought salad and charge a small fortune for the privilege. So as the summer temperatures reach a high in the UK this week, here's to some tasty, colourful and thoughtful salads :) and no excuses from any establishments I might dine in, this week I'll be expecting nothing but the best!

It was all going so well.. Then this happened...

Bad photo alert! I was beginning to feel really buoyed up by my progress. Fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years and moving around easier, and then this photo was taken of me last week. What a shock for me, STILL FAT. I've got to get this printed and put up before I get complacent. I think this is probably the worst photo taken of me ever!

FAT photos are important, they're a great motivator. Everyone has one. The photo that you don't quite recognise yourself in. The one that makes you think "do I really look like that?!". I have one stuck to the inside of my kitchen cupboard next to my FAT graph. Steve M suggests having this photo near you while you eat, carry it around with you even. 

I've dug out my FAT photos from the last 8 months. It's true I've managed to shift alot of that FAT but having adjusted my diet and way of thinking I've been a little stuck this week. I'm obviously eating to maintain my weight at the monent. I seem to go up and down during the week usually returning to just under what I was at the previous weigh in?? I need to change something...

Maybe I'll venture out for some exercise? It's going to take some arranging and time juggling but think I've got to be doing something proactive to keep the weight coming off. Sometimes it does feel insurmountable. The amount I have to get rid of is still so much. So let's review the progress so far. I'm hoping that this might be what I need to get back in charge of things.

FAT PHOTOS: This photo was taken last October. It's my starting point. Looking at it now I don't recognise myself at all. 

As I've said before I didn't weigh myself during pregnancy, I had enough to be worrying about so weight and 'being on a diet' went on hold for 9 months. Maybe if I'd been in better shape (or been a better  shape) I wouldn't have had the complications that I did. I certainly wouldn't have experienced the predjudice and judgement that's for sure. I'm just very grateful to have come through it alive so that now I have my body back, I can address my weight issues.

Then the photo below was taken in January. 

I lost some weight before Christmas but put some of it back on over Christmas. I look like Giant Haystacks in this photo! (he was a large wrestler in the 80s). I think that I was so relieved that pregnancy and birth was over that I possibly 'over relaxed' during the festive season. Far too much cheese and chocolate! 

I'm sharing these photos so there's no hiding from them for me. I seem to have become stuck where I am at the moment. Essentially this is a Blog of shame this week. I put on some lbs instead of melting them. Could this be an end to my spoon of Nutella in my porridge? Maybe so...?

This week I've been reading a selection of some of the other weight loss Blogs that are out there. I was disappointed because lots of these people have already lost all their weight. Not sure if it's just me but I really don't find that motivating to read? Great they've done it, good for them but how does that help me right now? I'm hoping this Blog is read by other people and that maybe something I try will help someone else. At any rate writing this is certainly keeping me focused. Like I said, it really does feel like the Blog of shame this week. Shame that I didn't stick to my plan enough, so frustrating.

And now... Time to get back on it. I need to go back to my action plan. One thing on that list was to buy a full length mirror. I don't own any full length mirrors at the moment so I need to sort that out. Steve M advises to use the full length mirror to motivate yourself, by looking at yourself in the mirror and giving yourself a pep talk. I love this idea and think it would really help. I like the idea of having a conversation with myself to set things straight and being tough on myself when I need to. Feeling really annoyed with myself this week. But as some people say, "turn that frown upside down". Got to stay positive and get back on track.

Thanks for reading. Until next time :)

Scrapbook of Bejam & smuggling hotdogs

Well to report, fish week was a blinding success. I lost 2lbs and have now fitted into a summer dress that I haven't worn for 8 years! Feeling inspired by this progress :)

This week I'll be trying a fitness calculator app, updating my fat graph and maybe printing an update of my FAT photo. I use this photo to motivate me daily but the one I have at the moment is from January so an update is called for. 

Success at the drive thru: This week for the first time ever I drove through the drive thru at breakfast time and did not buy a breakfast. I did order a coffee (190 kcal) but I felt in control of my choice and was so happy to have resisted the junk.

I would say I've always loved food. As I child I kept a scrapbook of things I liked. In amongst the pages of Sindy and other toys, I had cut outs of Roast Potatoes and other selected products including frozen foods from the first freezer shop Bejam! For those who don't know, Bejam was a British frozen food retailer, it was bought by its rival Iceland in the late 80s. Bejam food photos weren't what I was expecting to see when I found the scrapbook a while back but it certainly made me chuckle.

Whilst I'm making some childhood food confessions I must also mention that I got so obsessed with hotdogs at one point that I couldn't resist an open tin of them in the household fridge. I devised a complicated plan of diversion and a smuggling technique which involved taking one hotdog, hiding it in a fluffy green pencil case and then hiding it under my pillow. I ate the hot dog after lights out much later. Sounds ridiculous, I know.

There is also the time I came across a smarties pencil sharpener during a clear out. Although I knew it was a smarties tube pencil sharpener for some reason this didn't stop me tasting the brown pencil sharpenings incase they were chocolate, of course they weren't, they were pencil sharpenings but worth a try?? 

Motivation: When I attended the workshop with Steve M he advised that there should be both pleasure and pain elements in your motivation plan. I have four of each in my plan. 

Pleasure: * pin up the new outfit

               * hang up the success chart

               * wallpaper with affirmations

               * be a role model to my children

Pain:       * health jeopardy reminder

               * carry the dreaded photo

               * remind myself of the reality of being a FAT parent

                * develop restaurant warning card/text myself (as discussed in last weeks Blog)

One of my motivation pain elements is 'Health jeopardy reminder'. And so.....to the fitness calculator app. There are so many fitness apps, trackers and calculators. I'm always checking out my bmi (body mass index) on the NHS website so I went for a free fitness calculator app which also looks at bmi and converts info to graphs. When I started my weight loss journey my bmi was 45.91. It's now 39.38 which isn't great but it's a hell of a lot better. The app reckons 30 is Obese so I really do have a way to go.

My goal is to lose another 90lbs which this app has calculated will take me 315 days to do and that's if I manage to lose 2lbs a week. 

This app also looks at things I've never even heard of, BMR (basal metabolic rate). All information can then be converted into a graph, brilliant. I've taken all my measurements; hip, waist, wrist and forearm. I had to look up how to measure my forearm as had no clue but luckily YouTube had the answer. As it stands at the moment here are the stats! 

I was so pleased with my progress last week that I e-mailed Steve M to let him know that his suggestions were working. After all, I'm following his advice as much as I can. Sticking to my 3 meals a day, eating 80/20 and using the motivational techniques in my plan. Well, I had an amazing response back from him and the offer of 1:1 support. I'm going to use this as a milestone goal. That really would spice up this Blog! I've really got to get results now. I'll aim for another stone to be melted away and reward myself with some further coaching.

And finally: I read an excellent article in the Guardian this week which really got me thinking. It suggested that images taken in the 1950s of some boys on a beach made them look scrawny and skinny when in fact they were normal. We've just got so used to seeing fat people that we don't know what normal is anymore. This is so true! FAT crept up on me. Suddenly I realised I was heading towards a MASSIVE FAT 22stone (308lbs) I probably was this weight during pregnancy as I didn't weigh myself I dont know for sure but I have some pretty horrendous photos as evidence. If you want to read the article:

 http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/23/truth-about-obesity-10-shocking-things-need-to-know

Thanks for reading this weeks Blog.

Bis bald. 

Domino's send me texts and I like it.

Fish week is off to a flying start, griddled tuna steak with organic pots and veg. Yum. Salmon with roasted fennel & veg medley and rice :) Setting the menu with a random organic veg box and different fish for every night has revolutionised dinners this week. Not only is the colour fantastic but the flavours are a real treat.

It was my first attempt to take little people swimming today. Think even using the baby and toddler pool was over doing it a little. Recovery is so slow and frustrating because it seems even trying out little things end up reminding me that it's going to be some time before I'm able to exercise properly. That in itself has meant weight loss has had to be slower than I would have liked.

This week I've been really thinking about my 'attitude'. Instead of being down about things I'm really stopping myself and seeing the positive. Reminding myself of the consequences of being FAT, of being a FAT parent, really helps to focus me.

Restaurant visit: SUCESS !! Well I used another of Steve M's techniques. I had had the plan of making a restaurant warning card but after some thought realised that I really only open my purse at the end of a meal so my warning has to be something that is going to catch me at the correct time. So I used another Steve M suggestion, I texted myself. I used what I would have written on a warning card and it worked! " If you are FAT, think carefully b4 ordering! Watch out, you need to get into the 17s this week! And no creamy dressings at the salad bar!!!! ". I didn't take any dressings - no blue cheese or thousand island and I even dodged the croutons. I did add plenty of carrot and other healthy stuff. Can't say I overly enjoyed the salad bar on this occasion but no blow out, which felt great. For the menu my usual difficulty is choosing something as a healthy choice rather than out if habit. So this time I used the listed calories on the menu to guide my choice. The southern chicken was way too high, Veggie option even higher. Found a chicken wrap that appeared the best choice and even swapped out the chips for a jacket potato! Believe me, this is unprecedented ! In the past, in some places, I was not averse to ordering bottomless chips!

I was surprised at how powerful the text to myself had been. I texted myself whilst on route to the restaurant and read it much later before ordering. I think this is absolutely going to work. Even better than a static restaurant warning card as it means I can change it each time to fit the restaurant, my weigh and to influence the situation totally. Put myself in control.

All this talk of text messages leads me to the title of this instalment. Somehow by some turn of events, I've ended up on the list for text alerts from Domino's. They text me once every week or two. For example: "Any Size Pizza for £9.99, add a side for Delivery! Open late T&Cs Apply","Any Size Pizza £6.99 collect £9.99 deliver when u buy a side!" and "Buy One Pizza get another for ONLY £1! Open Late T&Cs Apply" I could go on! All sounds very tempting. The reason why I don't opt out, the reason why I love it, is because not only does it remind me just how much junk I used to eat as a matter of course but also every time I don't order I feel great. It isn't always easy and sometimes I've even lobbied that we order but I'm lucky because I live with someone who's a great buffer and extinguisher of my old lazy Fat ways.

As I'm getting to grips with this blog I'm learning how to add photos which will hopefully brighten things up. I'll definitely be fishing out my before and very before photos. However, on a recent trip out, a photo was taken of me. I was pleased as it shows my progress but there really is no time for complacency. 

Even though I weigh less than before pregnancy, less than when I got married, I feel more FAT now than I ever have before. I'm sure it's the change in mindset. When I woke up and really looked at myself I was shocked. I fit in those skinny Jeans I had in my wardrobe already but although 3 sizes less than last October I must do better. To keep my motivation going I bought a dress a couple of months ago (I can't remember the last time I even wore a dress!) a much smaller size down for £30! Believe me that's a real spend up for me these days. Well rather than just hang it up, I cut the price tag off it too and hung it up all ready to wear. Got to keep going. Weigh in tomorrow.... hoping I will be a bit closer to wearing it! 

Thanks muchly for reading, until the next time :) 

It's not fat it's loose muscle

Started the week with a beautiful e-mail from a close wonderful friend who liked my first attempt at a blog. So looks like I'm going to be doing this.....

The focus of this week has been following Steve M's stop, look and listen to stop any unwanted snacking and of course portion control. Absolutely motivated and excited to be ditching old FAT habits! Let's get on this.

Breakfast & Portion Control: For a long long time I didn't eat breakfast. I guess this changed during pregnancy as I tried to eat more balanced meals regularly. When your eating is growing someone you have to be responsible. So now eating breakfast is part of my healthy habit list, something I always aim to do.

I've discovered porridge. I bought microwave porridge which had a scoop to measure 2 scoops porridge: 4-5 scoops milk (or water) then 2 minutes in the microwave. Added a banana this morning. I've now realised you can use just normal porridge oats which are much cheaper & still use the scoop for optimum portion control. Breakfast sorted. The left over slice of toast from child's breakfast can call to me all it wants but I am not interested today. I will not be entertaining you!

10.30 and now the croissants have started up. Yeah I could totally eat one with a wonderful teaspoon of nutella but if I do then I'd have to say "fine, stay FAT" and that's too sad. When your day starts early there's more time to get sidetracked.

Nearly 12, that means lunch preparations. Took today's lunch order, pasta which was requested with boiled carrots and cheese.

Naughty naughty very naughty, ate 2  mini squares of choc caramel slice at tea time. 

I can not believe myself, less than 24 hours after I start a weight loss blog i'm craving a curry. Well NO: Microwave chilli [portion control] avocado and lime salad for dinner. Half a corona (to go with the lime of course). 

All in all I have successfully managed the week but I know I can do better to really stick to my 3 meals a day. I maybe need to be a bit tougher on myself. I've got to remind myself of the consequences of being too FAT. If I eat that cheeky choc square on impulse then it's gonna add on at the scales at my weekly weigh-in! I'm getting better at stopping at the fridge door but sometimes I do not listen and eat something anyway. Will continue to work on this. Changing habits is tough but so necessary at this point.

As i mentioned I do my own weigh in each week and I was a little lighter on the scales again this week. All good, all in the right direction but do feel I need to be more radical next week.

I have to be completely honest here, I did celebrate a good week with a feel good zinger tower burger for lunch. I'm going to fill out the survey on the receipt because it was the best zinger tower I have ever had. Packed with fiery salsa and salad. This was either due to a new and enthusiastic maker of the zinger or maybe just because I now appreciate this is a treat rather than a lazy lunch option??

The plan for next weeks fish week continues. One of my online shopping places emailed me today to tell me they've got up to half price on fresh & frozen fish till 15th June, well, good timing, that'll do nicely.

And finally to the title for this installment. A conversation that I had discussing whether a bulge was fat or maybe just loose muscle, this made me laugh. In my case I sadly can't claim that my problem is loose muscle :)

Thank you for reading. And if you are reading, please do comment and share your thoughts. Are you getting rid of fat too? Would love to know who is reading this and if anything is helpful. I'm certainly finding it motivating knowing that I'm putting all this up. Although if I am honest I did get a little obsessed and even sidetracked with this blog for the first couple of days but have calmed down a bit now. I'll be discussing lots more thoughts, experiences and ideas along the way so please do come along for the ride with me. Feeling optimistic. 

My first ever blog!! Day after Steve Miller's mindset and motivation workshop. Help me I woke up FAT!

This is my starting point, well the middle of it actually as I started all this in January. I'm Starting small and modest with this. I'll use this blog to motivate me, keep me in check and share my success. It's ups and downs so here's hoping for the ups. 

I'm the mum of two beautiful babies with my fair share of issues. I haven't had an easy ride with pregnancy or childbirth and now thankfully consider myself post pregnancy. This has given me the push to take responsibility for my fat. It's got to go. It's unhealthy, dangerous and unattractive. 

I've lost 3 stone and 2lbs (that's 44lbs?!) since last October. I knew that by now (June) I'd need a little more motivation so used my last remaining overdraft to book my place on a Steve Miller workshop. 

Known as a life bitch I really don't know what I was expecting. Maybe not tough love but some inspiring words of wisdom that I could take and transform my fat body into a not fat body. I know the not fat body is in there somewhere, I used to have one but its got a little lost along the way.

Don't travel much and didn't think to check trains. Ended up hopping on and off of trains to get to a tube to get me to Russell Square. Sunny when I got the tube, torrential rain when I emerged. I have no sense of direction and the rain on my glasses meant i couldn't see much   either. So thankful to the lovely receptionist in random building on Woburn Place, who not only gave me directions but printed me a map. Arrived at the seminar room just in the nick of, looking like a drowned rat. Know how to make an entrance :) 

Won't go into too much detail here, except to say: I listened, wrote lots of notes, joined in where I could, tried self-hypnosis, got upset, got pissed off, wrote my action plan, talked to Steve, got more upset, got some inspiration in my book, ran for train home.

And so today....

Went shopping and resisted the bread products: bagels, wraps and sliced bread! 

E-mailed Steve and shared my fat photo.

Ate a cooked breakfast (not too many calories) was my breakfast and lunch. Lovely dinner: soup and lovely salad. Planned a fish week for next week. 

Time to get my ACTION PLAN going! Feeling excited :)

1) Portion control

2) Motivation [with equal measure of pleasure & pain]

3) Self hypnosis

4) Install full length mirror for those all important pep talks.

5) Observe fat people habits to move me away from my fat life. 

6) Emotional eating: Don't even go there! 

I know i have a lot to do. That's the plan lets see what happens....

Fished out my old self hypnosis book.

Feeling optimistic :) 

I will be in CONTROL of food.